Tears & Trauma

by adustyframe ~ September 4th, 2017

Once in awhile, I think that we’re past “all this”. That we’ve moved on and we’re all good.
But now and then something happens to remind me that it’s still there. It still affects us. It still hurts.

The other day, I was telling a friend that our church is always looking for volunteers for women’s Bible study at our county jail.
When they announce the need for volunteers, I feel that I should look into it. I just keep putting it off.
I had never spoken out loud anything about this. I only thought about it.

When I was talking to her, I said, “I just don’t know if I can handle the smell and hearing those doors shut.” And then I choked up and got teary eyed. I hadn’t realized why I was putting it off until I said the words out loud.

She said, “That shows the trauma you’ve been through. You’re not ready and that’s ok.”

I am not sure I ever used the word “trauma” to describe what we’ve been through but …..yeah….it’s pretty accurate.
In some ways, I think it’s ridiculous that I’m “not ready”. But I’m just not. I am however praying that I won’t use it as an excuse and that if God truly wants me to minister in a prison or jail, He will make it very clear to me and that I will be willing.

The other day, Lee was watching a documentary about prison (he watches a lot of those shows……I’m not sure why!) The documentary showed a man released from prison after being held unjustly for 14 years. When the man walked out of prison, Lee looked at me with tears in his eyes.

I thought “yes trauma”.

It still affects us and will always be part of our story but God? Well, He is good.

Lizzie

This Boy

by adustyframe ~ August 25th, 2017

I’m going to have to change the category “baby” one of these days…….

I have been thinking a lot lately that this is the life. It won’t be much longer that we’ll all be in the same house.
For the most part, we have our health.
Life is peaceful, gentle, slow….

We are doing ok financially.

Life is good.

Little guy and I were at the library the other day and he was playing in one of the play centers.
He called me to look at what he was doing. He was building something with cardboard blocks.

“Hey, Mom! I’m building a jail! This is for the bad guys and this is for the police…..”

Yes, this is the life. A life where this little guy already older than James was when Daddy went “away”, doesn’t know anything about jail.

He doesn’t know about trying to touch daddy’s hand through the glass. Or waiting in the jail lobby for them to call our group. He doesn’t know anything about a missing dad. He doesn’t have a mom bone weary from exhaustion and stress and sadness.

In his little life jail is something to play pretend. It’s not a shadow darkening every area of his existence.

I said, “Oh honey, we don’t play jail.”

“Why not?”

Why not…..I couldn’t really explain it to him and I’m so thankful he can’t understand why we don’t play jail.

This is the life most certainly.

Lizzie

I Am Not The Same

by adustyframe ~ August 20th, 2017

We sang this in church this morning.

The first phrase is “You restore the wasted years….”

Isn’t that the truth?

I don’t like our wilderness years and while I don’t actually think they were wasted, I’m so thankful God restores.

Lizzie

Biography Recommendations?

by adustyframe ~ August 17th, 2017

I try to read a good book or two to stretch my brain a few times a year.

I’m hoping to read Why Coolidge Matters soon….although I’ve not ordered it.

I have a portion of Code Talkers by Chester Nez to finish.

What have you read recently that I may enjoy?
I also always have my eyes open for something to James to read in school. He’s going to be in 11th grade this year…..how does that even happen?

Lizzie

A Name Unknown~by Roseanna M. White Book Review

by adustyframe ~ August 13th, 2017

a name unknown

 

About the book:

Rosemary Gresham has no family beyond the band of former urchins who helped her survive as a girl in the mean streets of London. Grown now, they are no longer pickpockets—instead they focus on high value items and have learned how to blend into upper-class society. Rosemary is beginning to question whether she can continue in this life when she’s offered the challenge of a lifetime—determine whether a certain wealthy gentleman is loyal to Britain or to Germany. After all how does one steal a family’s history, their very name?

As Europe moves ever closer to World War I, rumors swirl around Peter Holstein. Awkward and solitary, but with access to the king, many fear his influence. But Peter can’t help his German last name and wants to prove his loyalty to the Crown–so he can go back to anonymously writing a series of popular adventure novels. When Rosemary arrives on his doorstep pretending to be a well-credentialed historian, Peter believes she’s the right person to help him dig through his family’s past.

When danger and suspicion continue to mount, both realize they’re in a race against time to discover the truth—about Peter’s past and about the undeniable attraction kindling between them.
About the Author:
roseanna m white
Roseanna M. White pens her novels beneath her Betsy Ross flag, with her Jane Austen action figure watching over her. When not writing fiction, she’s homeschooling her two children, editing and designing, and pretending her house will clean itself. Roseanna is the author of nine novels, ranging from biblical fiction to American-set romances to her new British series. Roseanna lives with her family in West Virginia. Learn more about here on her website. 
My Thoughts:
WOW! I loved this book. I don’t usually gush about books. I read a lot and I enjoy a lot of books and styles of writing and I love a lot of books but this one was really good.
I don’t remember reading a book by this author before and sometimes when I try a new author, I’m a bit worried that it will be a waste of my time.
Roseanna did an excellent job on this book. The story line and characters are really well written. I wasn’t able to guess exactly what would happen and there were some really good twists dropped in that surprised me and kept me reading.
I fell in love with the “villain” Rosemary in the story and you will too.
Set in Edwardian England, this story is a little Downton Abbey-ish and if you enjoy history, mystery, and a high class setting, you may enjoy this book!
I was sad when I finished it.
To see what other bloggers thought, check out reviews on Litfuse. 
Enter to win the giveaway to receive a free copy of this book (giveaway ends 8/21/2017)
Disclaimer~I received a copy of this book in order to review it. All opinions are my own. 
Lizzie

Prison Ministry Prayer Request

by adustyframe ~ August 8th, 2017

I follow author Dee Brestin online and saw this today.

Please consider praying for this prison ministry.  We are a testimony of the good these ministries do. They help so much more than just the incarcerated individual.

 

Lizzie

The Ambition~ Lee Strobel~ Review

by adustyframe ~ July 30th, 2017

 

I found this at the church library and decided to give it a try.

I have to admit that at first, it was slow going and took me a bit to get into it but I kept at it and I’m glad I did.

About the book:

A corrupt judge in a mob murder case. A disillusioned pastor, hungry for power. A cynical reporter, sniffing for a scandal. A gambling addict whose secret tape threatens the lives of everyone who hears it. New York Times bestselling author Lee Strobel weaves these edgy characters into an intricate thriller set in a gleaming, suburban megachurch, a big-city newspaper struggling for survival, and the shadowy corridors of political intrigue. The unexpected climax is as gripping as the contract killing that punctuates the opening scene.

My Thoughts:

I have to admit that at first, it was slow going and took me a bit to get into it but I kept at it and I’m glad I did.  Once I got into the story, it was a page turner.

It was thought provoking without being “preachy”. And at the end, I cheered. 😉 You’ll have to read it to see why.

Disclaimer:

No one gave me this book to review. I just picked it up at the church library.

Lizzie

Apologies

by adustyframe ~ July 17th, 2017

When Lee came home from being “away”, he moved right into being home and moving on.

He told me it was over and we made it so move on.

The only trouble was that I had a bucket load of hurt and the impact of his being “away” wasn’t just something I could “move on” from.

I mentioned once that I thought things would be more dreamy when he came home.

Have things been bad? no not at all. But sometimes things have been hard.

I’ve learned to give things to God and to ask Him to help me process and “move on”. I’ve prayed I wouldn’t hold things against him because that sin nature likes to rear it’s ugly head–a lot!

I haven’t been sitting around waiting for an apology. It’s hard for my husband to actually say the words….I know that about him.

He’s worked hard–VERY hard. He’s provided for us. He’s done things to show love to me.

I believe in honoring our covenant–I shared my thoughts on this before. I believe in marriage. I believe in it strongly. I believe in honoring God in our marriage. I think my life backs that belief up. It’s not empty words.

But there were places in my heart that hurt and that wanted him to understand and just say the words.

I’ve been praying again. Giving things to God again.

In the middle of the night Sunday night, the dog was running in circles begging me to let her out. I got up and in the process say my husband had sent me a text.

“I’m sorry. I know those years were miserable for you.”

Out of the blue……….by text yes but it’s the first time he “said” the words.

I turned the phone over and went back to bed but I felt a little uncoiling deep down in my soul. A loosening of the tightly wrapped pain deep down inside.

I felt like if I concentrated on this that I would sob uncontrollably for days….and we had church in the morning!

I still feel a little like that. I probably do need to sob for days at the joy that he “said it”. It’s not the words or that I was demanding an apology. It’s just  knowing that he acknowledged it and verbalized that he knows it hurt.

I’m sure anyone could read what I’m posting here  and pick it apart……point out where I’m wrong or what I should have done or tsk tsk tsk that this many years later, I still deal with pain between my husband and I but that’s ok. It’s not for anyone else to agree or like. This blog has always been my way to share honestly and I’m not going to change that.

‘I’m thankful that God has held us together all these years. Without him, without his strength, without his reminding me of his love and care…..we wouldn’t be here. This is not about us.

I’m thankful for 3 a.m. texts that remind me that my husband loves me and that he understands.

Lizzie

Almost Birthday Season

by adustyframe ~ July 5th, 2017

I guess I can’t click “baby” for the category for little guy posts anymore. WAAAAAAH!!!!

Can you believe our little Nathan is almost 4?

We had a family birthday party with cousins and aunts who have a birthday in the summer time. He said, “I’m FOUR NOW!” I reminded him it wasn’t quite his birthday yet.

He said, “But I had my party!”

He’s so sweet and so fun–and a little spitfire! We’re so thankful God gave him to us…..but wow! I can’t believe he’s almost 4.

Lizzie

Kids’ Visual Study Bible~Review

by adustyframe ~ June 25th, 2017

bible

 

I was asked to review this Bible by Handlebar Press and said “sure!”

About the Bible:

The NIV Kids’ Visual Study Bible brings the Bible alive for children.The NIV Kids’ Visual Study Bible, for ages 8-12, brings the Bible to life in four-color illustrated splendor.

This study Bible includes a spectacular full-color interior featuring over 700 illustrations, photos, infographics, and maps on every page that visually represent key Bible information.

Each page also features important facts located near the relevant verse.

Intriguing facts; colorful, engaging maps; photographs; and illustrations make this a Bible they’ll want to explore.

Features:: Over 700 four-color photographs, illustrations, infographics, and maps throughout: Full-color design: Book introductions, including important facts and an image to orient the reader: One-column format with side bar study notes for ease of reading: glossy cover.

 

My Thoughts:

On the cover, some of the pictures are a shiny material slightly different than the rest of the cover which adds interest.

Each book begins with facts–who wrote it? Why was it written? What happens in this book? What do we learn about God? Who are the key people? Where did this happen? What are some of the stories in this book?

The sidebars have pictures of artifacts, explanations of what was going on, charts, and graphics to help explain.

An example is in Zechariah. On the side bar for 10:1 it explains why Zechariah told them God controls the weather—because they believed in Baal and thought he controlled the weather. He wanted the people to know that God was in control of weather and crops.

 

Just a simple thing to help children understand what the people may have been thinking.

I do think this Bible is nicely done. It is a bit heavy for a kids Bible. I don’t know if that’s a negative or positive. It’s just something I noted.

 

Disclaimer~ I was given a free copy of this Bible in order to provide a review. All opinions are my own. 

Lizzie