Once in awhile, when I hear of someone having another baby, I get a little twinge. Especially when it’s someone who JUST had a baby. Or someone who says, “I think we’ll have a baby next year” and they DO!
I’m not sure what it’s a twinge of. I’m not jealous. I know that’s not it.
I’m not coveting their baby. I know that’s not it.
I am not wishing I was younger. Ok well……
It’s not really regret because I did not choose to only have 2 children.
It’s not being unthankful because I am overwhelmed with gratitude that God chose to give us one baby and then another after so many years.
I think just once in awhile, it’s because my dream was to have a houseful of children.
It’s too late for that. That ship has sailed (and possibly sunk….).
I don’t actually WANT to birth another child. I’m still recovering from the effects of the last birth.
I think it’s just that my dream was to have lots of children. When I see how cool these 2 are, I wonder how cool other children would have been.
But, I’m not writing my story….God is. I didn’t make the choices that led to not having a husband around for so long (a pretty crucial part of the equation).
When I get that twinge, I still haven’t decided what it is I’m feeling. I will have to give it to God and let Him help me sort it out.
I know that I’m more than blessed with any children much less the two God gave me. I’m not crying that I only have 2 children or equating myself with someone who cannot have children.
I just once in awhile get that twinge.