Loving my husband

by adustyframe ~ November 7th, 2006

I love my husband very much!

Tonight at our Bible study, we prayed for the person on our left. When the person prayed for me, she thanked God for my refusing to leave my husband and for enduring and loving and staying with him through this.

At first I felt shocked. Well of course I’m staying with him. I love him!

But as I thought more, I realized how miraculous this love truly is.

It wasn’t that long ago that I was deciding if I would keep my married name or go back to my maiden name. I knew that we were not going to make it.

My husband thinks it’s funny that I was working on that decision. I was deadly serious. I was far past thinking we’d ever make it or work things out.

I remember one Valentine’s Day sitting at my desk and being unable to write “I love you” in his card. I simply knew that I did not love him in the least. At that point, it didn’t bother me that I didn’t love him.

When I look back at those hard dark days, I am so sad. I’m sad that my heart was so cold that I couldn’t even scribble an “I love you” in his valentines day card.

He was at the same place. He didn’t love me either.

I remember laying in bed praying for God to love him through me. I couldn’t and didn’t love him and I knew I was wrong.

One time I prayed that God would let me see my husband as God saw him.

I saw my husband broken and hurting and bound by his sin. Thick heavy chains were wrapped around him and he was a hurt sad man.

Seeing my husband like that helped. God extended his love through me.

Things were not easy by any means and I had to pray that God would love him for me repeatedly. Over and over the “God please help me love him” prayer went up.

One point in this incarceration, something happened that was greatly misconstrued and my husband had to pay for it.

My heart broke at that point. I was so sorry that I hadn’t loved him on my own. I could clearly see that he hadn’t done anything wrong and I knew as clear as day that I was completely unwilling to throw our marriage away.

The love for him overwhelmed me and still does. I am so in love with my husband and cannot wait for him to be able to come home.

I thank God for carrying me through with his love for those dark years. I also thank him for restoring my heart to truly be able to love my husband.

I often joke that this would be much easier if only I still hated him. But I don’t ever want to go back to that time. I don’t want to have hate in my heart.

God has done a miraculous work in this home. He still is working in both of us.

So tonight, I had a great reminder of how far we’ve come.

I am staying with my husband and I truly trust that God will make our home and marriage stronger than ever.


8 Thoughts Shared to Loving my husband

  1. Susanna

    Thank God indeed. Many people who go through phases of not loving a spouse could ‘fall in love again’ if they would seek the Lord’s help. My sister did and now it is wonderful to see them together. If you honour the Lord HE WILL honour you…anI think that by the end of all this, if you keep leaning on Him, your marriage will be rock solid 🙂

  2. MaggieRaye

    Wow! I know you’ve been by my blog a few times and read it. I was checking my sitemeter tonight and followed one of the hits on my site, back to your blog. I stopped in to read.

    My heart goes out to you! I will add you to my prayer list, in a different way now.

    My heart is always thrilled when I hear about the Lord saving/restoring marriages that have nearly failed.

    May the Lord bless & keep you and your son, and reward you abundantly for your faithful walk through this difficult season of your life.


  3. PrayerSister

    Thank God for the miracles!
    We don’t even realize how miraculous it is until God restores the love.

  4. Esther

    Just found your blog from the carnival over at Spunky’s.
    God is evident and strong in your writings. I don’t know you but sure do admire you.
    Some of your post’s made me tear up.
    Blessing to your whole family……. I can’t imgaine.

    Have you or your husband ever read a book titled Wild at Heart?

  5. Robin

    I just found you via Spunky. YOU are one amazing lady. Thanks for being willing to share. I went back to your archives and have been reading through some of your posts. Several times I sat here crying! Keep the faith!

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  8. Jessica

    I’ve been looking through your blog and feeling your grief and joy, your pain and the healing that God gives.

    While we’ve never had to face a separation caused by incarceration, our marriage has gone through some really dark years. Our God is faithful though, and He restored what was broken and lost. Your story is encouraging me while bringing back some of those old feelings of loss and then renewal. God bless you during this walk.

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