Preoccupied?
by adustyframe ~ December 4th, 2006 
“One response was given by the innkeeper when Mary and Joseph wanted to find a room where the Child could be born. The innkeeper was not hostile; he was not opposed to them, but his inn was crowded; his hands were full; his mind was preoccupied. This is the answer that millions are giving today. Like a Bethlehem innkeeper, they cannot find room for Christ. All the accommodations in their hearts are already taken up by other crowding interests. Their response is not atheism. It is not defiance. It is preoccupation and the feeling of being able to get on reasonably well without Christianity.”
~ Billy Graham ~
This quote is pertinent to me this year. My hands are full, my mind is preoccupied.
I mentioned at Thanksgiving, that although my husband has been gone for 2 years, this Christmas season is the first one that he is completely away from us.
His absence at Christmas causes a sharp grief in my heart. We began dating at this time of year.
His family’s Christmas party is this weekend. It was at their Christmas party, that he introduced me to them. I don’t want to go without him. I want to stay home and cocoon in my house. But we will go. I want my son to see his cousins. Grandma wants us to be there.
It’s hard to go without him. Hard isn’t even the word.
I am tearing up as I decorate. Cooking shows give me a lump in my throat. All the favorite movies and shows are about family togetherness at this time of year. Everything hurts to see and hear.
We have always tried to put Christ first in our Christmas. We do a simple season celebrating the true reason for the season. We have just always done this together.
I am asking the Lord to help me remember in my grief, that he is why we celebrate Christmas. His tremendous sacrifice is the only reason we celebrate this time of year.
Not family togetherness. We can have Christmas no matter where we are or whomever is present or not present.
Christmas is not about my husband being home or gone. As desperately as we wish he were home with us especially now, I must not allow my sadness to overshadow the real reason we celebrate Christmas.
If I let tears or an aching heart stand in the way of worshipping my Savior, I am no better than any other occupied person.
I can worship at his feet. I can serve and give and love and pray. I can grieve and be sad as well. I just can’t allow it to fill my heart and crowd out thankfulness to my Lord.
See other posts on this quote at Laurel Wreath
December 4th, 2006 at 8:38 pm
I’m so sorry your husband isn’t with you this Christmas and I can understand your feelings.
December 4th, 2006 at 8:48 pm
Thanks Amy!
December 5th, 2006 at 7:55 am
Praying you through this season, may God give you comfort and wrap you like a warm blanket.
Thank you so much for writing.
December 5th, 2006 at 7:10 pm
I am so sorry to hear about the emptyness and loss you are dealing with. Though any kind of separation, in and of itself, is not joyful, the joy we, as Christians, can derive from that is that our loved ones in Christ, no matter how long the separation from them, will be there with us at the end when we are all called Home. At that time we will never be separated from them ever again! May you find the warmth and peace of God surrounding you like a warm embrace this Christmas season as you find ways to celebrate the birth of our Savior – the One who has given us that eternal life with our Christian loved ones.
December 7th, 2006 at 6:22 am
you know what? i hate the holidays this year because they are all about family. we can celebrate giving thanks, Jesus’ birth and ressurrection any day of the year, but society has used these holidays as ways to celebrate family in the name of the holiday. that makes it extremely difficult on those of us who do not have families.
i’m feeling very lost this year, too.
i’ve read thru some of your previous posts. my husband and i are divorced and i have no other family. my girls so desire other family, but they are not safe people. they would love a big christmas with cousins and aunts and uncles, but that isn’t possible. really and truly, it sucks.
i do believe God is here for us and that He carries us through; and i would be lifeless without Him. but He doesn’t always change the circumstances. so, i walk around watching others gathering in families, planning for the gathering, creating food, wrapping presents, planning outings, and i desperately cry to my God for He truly is the only one who really, really knows.
i am so sorry you are experiencing this during this season. when i was in counseling i told my counselor that i didn’t want anyone else to experience my pain. i wish no one else had to. and i wish you did not have to experience your pain.
we are not strong, are we. we are very, very weak. it is God who is strong through us. often i wish i could experience more of His strength. i don’t understand why He doesn’t lighten my load as much as i crave, but i do trust Him. often my only prayer is, “i trust You; i trust You; i don’t understand, but i trust You.”
i don’t understand why the church falls away from those of us who are sitting in their four walls who need so much help. my church is so willing to help those in other countries, but so unwilling to help us. and you know what we really need? we need a loving family to “adopt” us and “graft us in” as their very own. and that’s seems to be the last thing anyone wants to do. very sad.
may you and your son … and i and my girls … find the simple love of Jesus this season to be enough ~ Oh, God, please fill us completely with Your simple love and let that satisfy all our needs and desires this holiday season. Thank You; I love You, Ame