Me

by adustyframe ~ March 5th, 2007

Many of you have read along with me for awhile now. I think you are figuring out who I am a little bit.

My story starts as a fairy tale. My husband and I had a perfect first year of marriage.

He and I compliment one another in gifts, talents, personalities, strengths, weaknesses. I was the happiest girl on the planet.

As our second year of marriage progressed, things weren’t quite right. Sometimes it wasn’t easy to identify. Just odd things and feelings I had.

God blessed us with a precious little boy 2 1/2 years into our marriage. He is truly the most precious little boy I’ve ever had the privilege to meet. And I get to be his mom! I am so blessed.

His birth was long and hard and rough, and he was emergency transferred to a NICU. We were unsure for many hours that he would even live. Thankfully, he is perfectly healthy.

His hard start changed who I am as a mother. I pay more attention to little things. I am often reminded that he very well could have left us and I am so blessed that God allowed him to live.

I thought that with a son to be responsible for, my husband would “grow up” and put us first.

He didn’t. I can’t really explain the heartache that realization caused me. He put himself first all the time.
Over the next years, parts of me died. I felt like nothing I could do would change anything so I began to not care.

God brought me out of that and I began to read and study and pray. I decided with the Lord’s help I would fight for my husband and my marriage.

I knew I had to release everything and give our marriage and future to God. I remember standing in the kitchen asking God for strength to let go as tears poured down my face.

Giving this to God was an incredibly hard sacrifice.

Very shortly after that day, the phone rang.

It was a nice afternoon and I had just laid my toddler down for a nap. The phone call was odd. The man refused to leave a message.

If it were for a job interview or was a friend, he’d surely have left that information with a wife right?

Something cold and hard began to gnaw in my stomach. I turned on the computer and googled his name.

Then I knew.

He was a detective and my world came crashing down.

For some reason, God didn’t give me freedom to tell my husband what I knew. We have talked about this. If I had told him, we’d have hired a lawyer. My husband wouldn’t have talked. Maybe now he’d be home. Sometime, I dearly wish I had told my husband it was a detective.

Yet, I knew then that he couldn’t have a chance to make excuses. I knew God wanted him to face the consequences of his actions. Even now, we know that God had to break my husband and bring him to the end of himself.

My husband “sang”. You may not know that spilling your guts to the police doesn’t help your legal case. Yet, spiritually, my husband had to. God required that of him.

I waited many days to find out what happened. My husband didn’t know that I knew.

How did I find out? Well, one Sunday afternoon, the phone rang again and the man who had previously refused to leave his name said, “I’m detective So and So. Please tell Lee that he is cleared from any other crimes.”

If you have never been in this situation, I don’t know how to explain it. It is a solid reminder to you that your life is no more in your hands. You realize that your hopes and dreams are gone. You know that whatever may happen down the road, it doesn’t matter what you hoped for or what your opinion is.

We entered a 16 month waiting period before the court date. These were many of the hardest days of my life.

Yes, he was home. He brought home his check. He was daddy to our son. Yet, our marriage was in so much trouble. I was so upset at him for doing this to us. I was angry with God.

I stood in the kitchen were I had previously given my husband and marriage to God. I clenched my teeth and said, “GOD! when I give you something it’s not supposed to turn out like this.” I think I stamped my foot.

Maybe that’s foolishness, but all I could see was that I had sacrificed my hopes and dreams to lay them on an altar for God and my world had fallen apart.

I didn’t know all the twists and turns that lay ahead. (I still don’t.)

I didn’t know that God was using each piece of this puzzle to work on both of us. I didn’t know that God was using this to answer prayers I had prayed for many years.

I couldn’t know what a wonderful love he was going to restore in my husband’s heart for me.

I didn’t know.

I am not God.

He did not make a mistake.

I am so blessed through this blog. I’m thankful that I obeyed God’s promptings to start it.

At first, I knew it would be a place for me to record all the lessons from previous years and daily blessings.

I did not know that God would use our story to encourage and strengthen others. I did not know that so many people would reach out to all 3 of us and be God’s arms to wrap around us. I didn’t know how many prayer partners I’d find. I couldn’t know how opening my email and reading sweet words from a reader would strengthen me for my day.

If you poke around my archives, you’ll find out more about me.

I love to read. I’m privileged to be able to homeschool my precious little boy.

I play the piano. I scrapbook. I pretend to knit. I like to joke. I own a store. I am exhausted. I don’t like being a single mom.

I do not enjoy court dates, the “system”, parole officers, or prison visits. I am surprised by much of what I’ve learned about all of this.

I care very much about character and integrity. I value God’s Word and what it teaches us about every aspect of living.

I desire to raise my son to be a godly man. I care about issues pertaining to boys and men. I do not like how men are treated in our society, but aside from raising my little precious, I’m not sure what God would have me to do in that regard right now.

I am looking to Jesus to help us finish this course he set us on. I pray that he will find us faithful.

Lizzie

15 Thoughts Shared to Me

  1. Ame

    Oh Holy, Sovereign God, I am humbled and amazed at Your hand and covering over all of Your creation, over Lizzie and her husband and their son. You are a good God. You are also firm. You are firm and loving at the same time. You do not “do things to us” to manipulate us or for no reason at all. You are purposeful, full of hope, full of salvation, and will go to extreme lengths to draw us unto You. Thank You. Though it hurts so very much, thank You. Thank You for Lizzie; I am incredibly blessed that she is in my life. I love You, Ame

  2. jodi_a4givensinner

    oh, sniffle.

    After having a “foot stomping” last few days, this was so encouraging to read!

  3. Christy

    Thank you for sharing more of your story. I’m so glad I found your blog several months ago. Reading here has been such a blessing.

    I, too, prayed for our marriage to be restored and (over the course of about five years) it came about in a way I never expected … lots of heartache. I didn’t know when I prayed that prayer how God would answer it. It turned out that I was the one who needed most of the heart change. God led me through some dark times to show me my true poverty and bring me face to face with my Savior. My sweet husband patiently walked through it with me, and God worked on changing his heart, too.

    We are celebrating our 10th anniversary on March 8. And this year, we celebrate that God has restored our marriage for His glory.

    I say this to encourage you, my friend. I appreciate your vision that God is in control. And the end result will be so worth it.

    I’m still learning and being encouraged in so many ways … one of which is by your blog.

  4. Liza

    Beautifully written Lizzie…just beautiful….

    Lord, be with Lizzie and her son today…But more importantly, be with Lee and reveal yourself to HIM…reveal yourself in a way that there won’t be any shadow of a doubt that he is where he is so that HE may GET TO KNOW YOU in a very very personal way. Thank you Lord, Amen.

  5. Adventures In Babywearing

    God IS Good!

    Glad you joined the party!!

    Come on over & check out my fun Bump! Photo Tag going on! Hope you’d like to play along and post your favorite pregnant belly pic! (And we’d love to see expectant adoptive parent photos, too!)

    Steph

  6. picklesncucumbers

    Lizzie,
    Thank you for sharing your story. Your faith is very inspiring to me. I’ve learned a lot about faith, trust, and blessings from reading here every day. God Bless.
    Jenn

  7. Robin (PENSIEVE)

    And, here, I discover even more about your “story”….it is such an amazing story and you are living it beautifully. There’s NOTHING easy about it. I cannot imagine the daily struggles you face with grace and dignity. You’ve lived a thousand lives in just a few years.

    And you are faithful when I’m sure you’d like to just stomp those feet.

    There is nothing more lovely than to see God at work in a life that has been broken then redeemed. I’m glad you chose to post this here, too.

    You’ve got what it takes :).

  8. Susanna

    Hello

    It is good to learn a bit more. How we would baulk and refuse to go forward if we knew what God had in store for us. We sing a song at the children’s Wednesday club
    ‘God’s ways are higher than our ways, His thoughts far wiser than ours, He speaks to us through His word the Bible, and tells us to trust in Him. God knows the past tand the future, He sees the thoughts in our hearts, we cannot hide from the God who made us and so we must trust in Him’ (Copywrite Sue Payne)

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  11. jmarshari- A SingleMomFor God

    Lizzie,

    Thank you for sharing your story. It took courage and faith. You truly exhibit the ornament of a biblical woman. I will continue to pray for you and hope that we can get to know each other better.

    ps: I hate being a single mom too:) It feels so good to be able to say that and have someone understand it.

    Thank you. Yes, I understand!

  12. Amber

    Lizzie,

    Thank you for sharing your story. How did your husband become saved?

    Amber, my husband was saved when he was 13. He didn’t live for the Lord for a long time though.

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