To the new bride

by adustyframe ~ May 8th, 2007

Christine at Fruit in Season asked what advice you’d give to a new bride.

Very shortly in my family there will be a new bride! So I’m writing this to anyone that is married, but especially to our new sister Katherine.

1. Spend time establishing your days in God’s Word. Don’t neglect being the woman God desires you to be. The first days of marriage are so “fairy tale -esque”. It doesn’t seem possible that life could be hard or that your husband could ever let you down or hurt you.

He will because he is a human. Just like you will let him down and hurt him.

Your daily dependence must be on God for your marriage to thrive.

2. Don’t fight over foolish things. Life is so much more important than the toilet paper or toothpaste or any other silly thing to fight over.

Cherish the dailiness of your life. Don’t do or say things that you will regret if you ever face a loss. There are things I’ve said or done to Lee that I regret. I regret not living each day to the fullest and being hurt and angry over stupid things.

You are both strong stubborn people. I say that with love. God can mold you two into a wonderful entity to serve him. Don’t allow sin and pride to ruin what God has in store for you.

Be who God desires you to be and obey his word no matter what my brother may ever do wrong to you.

3. Submission is obedience to God. American women have quite a struggle with this one but God blesses for obedience. A lady at church and I were discussing this and one of the huge fights Lee and I had once (over the couch!) and she said what changed her mind about this is to realize she loves her husband more than she loves what she’s fighting for.

In my case, I’d say, I love Lee more than I love the couch I wanted to buy. And I’d dearly love to have him sitting on the ugly couch he chose (sounds like a blog post in that story doesn’t it!?) This is one of those “stupid things” that I regret wasting time and angry words on.

4. For better or for Worse means forever. I have said before that this portion of our lives is definitely the “worse”. I had no idea on our wedding day how bad the “worse” could be. Yet God gives the grace and strength to uphold the covenant you have entered into. Make up your mind that you will choose to honor your covenant. You will be blessed beyond measure.

5. Love is a decision. You are just over 2 weeks away from your beautiful day. You can’t imagine ever not feeling love for my sweet brother. Unfortunately, due to our sin nature that day may stare you in the face at some point.

So many things that occur in a marriage do not feel like “love”. It doesn’t feel loving to have your husband disregard your feelings, or to realize the awful things that you can say in the heat of the moment.

I remember the day I sat at my desk with Lee’s valentine card and could not make myself write “I love you” in it.

That was a horrible day and I cried because I honestly couldn’t say that I loved him.

It hurts me even now that I felt that way.

I’m here to be a testimony to the fact that God can restore those feelings of love. I am blown away by how deeply I love Lee. I am blessed that God restored those feelings to he and I.

Yet, even if God had not restored the feelings of love, I must still choose to love him. I decide to love him in obedience to God.

People think love is the giddiness of a new romance, or the tickley sensation when they hold hands.


THIS is love. This staying with my husband and honoring my covenant to God. The praying for years. The staying through the heartache and days I felt God would never answer my prayers. That is love.

Love isn’t what we portray in the movies.

It’s the constant sacrifice and pouring out God’s love on your mate.

It’s telling the truth.

It’s praying “whatever it takes Lord.”

It’s putting another’s needs above your own.

Oh the fluffy feelings are often a part of love. I so loved seeing Lee hold James as a new baby. Or watching them play together.

There were definitely butterflies when he brought me flowers, or grinned at me across a room. There were moments that melted my heart.

The feelings are part of it but you can love without them.

I pray that you two will never have to deal with big things. I pray that you will both submit to God and be willing to obey him in every aspect.

Just know that humans can and do disappoint us. That’s why we put our eyes on Jesus.

He never disappoints us. It’s through his love and grace that we are able to have a marriage that truly honors him.

We’re looking forward to your special day. We are so happy to have you in our family.

We’re praying for you that God will make your marriage a beautiful picture of his love for each one of us.


9 Thoughts Shared to To the new bride

  1. The NON-Superwoman

    What a lovely (and honest!) take on what real love is! I hope your sister-in-law knows what a gem she has in you 🙂

  2. PrayerSister

    That was wonderful! So many things I would also express.
    I would add my emphasis on the fact that the covenant with God is unbreakable, though we may walk away from it.
    I would also suggest that along with the submission, which you rightly pointed out is submission to God, we are made to respect our husbands, who are made to be respected. The only way to stop the teeter-totter of giving disrespect for feeling unloved is to choose to respect.
    Praying for that girl, she’s getting one of our own & we know what we can be like 😉

  3. Mommy

    Excellent words, especially the ones about love. Great advice from someone who has been there.

  4. Jodi

    Thanks for the good advice!

  5. Barbara H.

    This is beautiful. Wise advice for any bride.

  6. Kimberly

    Oh what beautiful spirit filled words.

    I so wish someone had taken the time to give me such advice before I entered in my marriage. I’m not so sure I would have gotten married because when I think of all that has transpired I knew in my heart that there was something wrong before we made our covenant and this would have helped me to realize that and do what was right.

    Although I have blessings beyond measure with the kids that came out of our union the abuse and brokeness that we are working through are lessons I certainly would have rather not experienced. I know that when it is all said and done and the healing process has truly began and God is able to penetrate my heart and mind and comfort my shattered soul that I will one day love again and hopefully find forgiveness for self and husband that I will look at this as a blessing and a lesson to last a lifetime.

    I do hope she reads it or that you send it to her or put it in a card for her on wedding day. It will be the greatest gift she could ever receive.

  7. Christine

    This is beautiful and so meaningful coming from where you are. I especially love how you tell her to be who God wants her to be regardless of who her husband is on any given day. Thanks for posting this. It will bless many!

  8. adustyframe

    Thank you all for your comments! I think I will print it out and mail it to her.

    PrayerSister–what do you mean we know what we’re like;) I think we’re all super!:)

  9. Maureen

    What a beautiful post! Thank you so much.

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