She saw me

by adustyframe ~ May 22nd, 2007

A customer of my store saw me tonight.

I was visiting Lee. I always wish no one I know would see me.

I told myself not to worry, SHE was there visiting someone too.

I just still prefer to be anonymous when I’m at the prison.

She walked past my table and I saw the recognition in her eyes.

She looked away quickly. I don’t think she wanted me to see her either.

A few weeks ago, I saw someone else I knew visiting another inmate.

I saw her Sunday at the grocery store.

We both said, “Hi!” in a cheery greeting. Then an awkward silence.

Neither one of us wanted to  say, “Hey I saw you at the prison the other day.”

I guess there is a code of silence among us.

Maybe if we’d acknowledge it we could support one another, but for some reason I am not ready for that.

So instead we smile at each other and turn our eyes away.

I long for the day when I can introduce people to Lee without the trappings of “prison” or “inmate” attached to his name.


4 Thoughts Shared to She saw me

  1. Ame

    The place you’re talking about … it’s an extremely difficult place to get to. It took me years. I remember my mentor telling me once, “Be careful whom you share that your husband is addicted to porn … otherwise when people see you they’ll say, ‘there’s the woman whose husband is addicted to porn.'” After awhile I thought, “You know what? I AM a woman married to a man who is addicted to porn! It’s TRUE!” It’s not something I spread around; not necessary. But if that’s how someone thinks of me, then that’s how they think. It doesn’t bother me anymore … it’s true … and I’ve come to a place where it’s okay to live in that truth. It is a VERY HARD place to get to and it takes a VERY L O N G time to get there.

  2. Susanna

    When I had been living in this house for about 3 years, a lady from the house behind me spoke to me for the first time……to let me know she could see in my bathroom window since I had the shower moved! I cannot look her in the face and she has never spoken to me since! Now, I would willingly speak to her if she would initiate it, but it feels lke she ignores me. She probably doesn’t mean to, or maybe she is embarassed for telling me……..I just don’t know, but because our first conversation was an embarassing one it seems as if further conversations won’t be forthcoming. Not really on topic I know, but reading what you wrote made me think about it. P.S….I now have a waterproof blind at my already frosted window 🙂

  3. celina

    you know…these women likely need you and you likely need them….you are not ashamed of LEE, you are quite proud of him at the moment..don’t forget how far he’s come…

    and honestly, he is paying, over-paying it seems for his “crimes” errors….
    some introduce their criminal husbands who get away with it with PRIDE and how “smart” hubby is at eluding the law…..

    maybe not today, nor tommorrow…but you should have little cards with this site on it..and support for us wives on it..and all you’d have to do, is slip it to that person with a wink and a smile and not a word….

    to see how far you’ve come and THE LOVE YOU HOLD IN YOUR HEART FOR LEE AND GOD….that you cherish your marriage and if anything this ordeal has solidified it into a biblical marriage…is INSPIRING to me….who has no hardships like you to bear…but to someone in the same boat….or even just floating in the same ocean/…..would likely mean the world…

  4. adustyframe

    Ame thanks. I know that I’ve grown so much. There are just still places in my heart that aren’t quite there yet;)!

    Susanna–OH NO! huh?;) Your comment made me grin;)

    Celina–you are so encouraging and you are right of course. I AM proud of Lee very much.
    Your idea to have little cards is a good one. It wouldn’t even have to say it’s me right?:)

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