“Most women aren’t like you”
by adustyframe ~ June 21st, 2007I’ve mentioned before the business coach that I have been seeing.
Last time, I spoke with her about selling my store. She asked me to list people that may be interested in buying it.
I said most of the women I know are like me. We have small children.
She said very matter of factly,
“Well most woman aren’t like you. Most women aren’t passionate about their homes and their children like you are.”
Well most of the women I know are! I truly believe that mothering my son is a very high calling.
However, I need a buyer!
I am so far beyond wanting to own a store. I am seriously praying for a buyer. SOON.
You can pray with me.
I am very weary lately. Some things have been happening that make me think the devil is trying to wear me down.
The first 2 years this was all happening, I was overwhelmed, over stressed, exhausted and wounded.
I kept life “normal” as I could for James. That effort took enormous energy from me.
I think it was good that I couldn’t stay in bed with the covers over my head. I HAD to get up, had to keep moving, had to get to the store.
This past year, I’m starting to feel better emotionally. I think I’m handling things so much better. I’m starting to feel like the old Lizzie.
I’m not there. I’m still very tired and still very unable to do things I used to do.
I think that the past years are catching up to me.
I think that expending energy I didn’t have to keep life “normal” took very much from me physically.
I think that I am now paying for it.
In my heart, I think that if ‘m feeling better mentally and emotionally, I should be able to do more physically than I did when I was feeling so lousy.
I just can’t.
I am so apathetic about everything. Not the important things. Just everything else.
I do so much and I don’t want to anymore.
I am just plain exhausted. It’s a true exhaustion not just physical.
Yesterday, I could barely make it through the day and I went to bed with James at 8:30.
Tonight, I’m up a bit later but I’m on my way to bed soon.
Yesterday, I felt like crying all day and all I want to do is rest.
I can’t get things done because I have absolutely no motivation. None.
And I have a lot to do!
I’m past caring about a lot of things.
Unfortunately, I’m still receiving pressure in a lot of directions. People want me to do more. When I can’t the fact that I’m still overwhelmed and hurting isn’t understood.
I guess there is no way to explain the toll this has taken on me without living it.
Sometimes I truly wish people would just try to understand.
I need clarity to know what exactly God wants me to do–in the daily things and the big things.
I need a buyer for my store.
I need strength and energy to do God’s priorities for my life. (Not other’s priorities for my life.)
I need to speak kindly when the pressuring situations arise. I need the right words to be firm when I say no.
I need for people to try to understand.
June 22nd, 2007 at 4:48 am
Lizzie,
I just wanted to let you know that what you’re describing is not out of the ordinary. I, too, went through a huge trauma and stress with my husband. He fell from pastoral ministry because of an addiction to pornography. It has been 5 1/2 years since his fall. He repented, went through a restoration process and has now been pastoring again the past 1 1/2 years. Our marriage is restored and we both feel like different people. BUT, I am still recovering my physical strength. Some days I get very little done and struggle with such shame over it. My energy has increased and I am much better off than a few years back, but I am very much a work in progress.
Give yourself grace. Accept where you are without beating yourself up. You’re doing a great job; you really are!
June 22nd, 2007 at 6:40 am
My heart goes out to you. Praying that God will send a buyer for the store and that he will give you the strength to go on. One step at a time. What will you do after you sell the store? Will you have enough money to live on? Will you still be able to homeschool James? Are any of your employees interested in buying?
June 22nd, 2007 at 11:10 am
I knew you were considering selling, but I didn’t know you had made a decision on it. I’ll be praying that God sends a promising buyer your way soon if that is His will.
I guess when I read the post, many of the same questions Robin posed went thru my mind as well. Not to be nosy or put any more pressure on you…in fact you may still be working thru those very same questions still. Just curious.
I wish there were something more I can do for you. Please let me know how I can help. Prayers going heavenward right now.
June 22nd, 2007 at 12:49 pm
I’m praying for you – for God to hold you in His arms and strengthen you; for the right words to say “no” when those situations arise; and for a buyer for your store. God bless you!!
June 22nd, 2007 at 3:35 pm
Mental exhaustion and effort does have a profound physical effect- though others do not realise it. I am currently in a no energy, no motivation , no interest phase. Why? Well, possibly because my quiet times are not up to scratch, but mostly because I am physically exhausted. Have been through a lot mentally (stress and unertainty wise) in the past two years as well and it knocks everything. I feel guilty when I don’t do more- but on days when I do manage to, I pay the price. Just keep doing what you can do…and say NO- politely but firmly! James and Lee are your priorities- you are no use to them if others push you beyond your bounds. Know that God understands- after all, he made us- he knows are frames as as dust- as a flower that whithers in the sun.
Prayers and hugs
June 22nd, 2007 at 7:27 pm
All of that energy you put into James and all of the stress and mental weariness are bound to make your body worn out. I have a poem about how God sometimes uses our weariness to remind us to lean on Him and to rest in Him. I’ll try to find it and send it to you.
And if it makes you feel any less alone, my husband and son are visiting friends in our former home state this week, and I’ve gone to bed about 30 minutes after my daughter every night. Except tonight, of course, when her three-year-old highness decided to sleepover in my bed.
June 22nd, 2007 at 8:31 pm
Beth, I’m sorry for what you’ve been through. ((hugs)) Thank you for letting me know it’s normal. Sometimes just another person saying that they’ve experienced the same situation helps so much.
Robin, thanks for popping in and letting me know you’re praying. I’ve been wondering how you are:)
What will I do? That’s a post I guess. I have quite a few options and I’m just praying for God to show me.
Selling the store would definitely give me a bit of a cushion to live on.
Kathy, thank you for your prayers.
Susanna, thanks so much:)
Chel, I’d love to read the poem if you find it. Lol about her three-year-old highness:)
June 23rd, 2007 at 11:33 am
I’m sorry things are so tough right now….I’m praying for you.
June 25th, 2007 at 10:33 pm
I am praying for you, Lizzie. When my dh and I went through a terrible time. I was overwhelmed with exhastion! I understand. We had 6 children at the time and I was expecting number 7. I kept chalking it up to pregnancy, then to postpardom and a year later I was still exhasted! I realized one day that it was all the emotional turmoil that was exahasting me. I home educate my children to and it seemed like most days all we got done was reading and math.
Blessings
Dana
October 2nd, 2008 at 10:05 pm
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