Sigh

by adustyframe ~ July 24th, 2007

That’s the sort of day I’m having.

I’m so tired. I’m not sure how to describe it. Just tired.

James is finishing up sports camp this week. It’s good for him. It just makes our slow paced mornings a hurry hurry morning and I do not like that.

I had absolutely no motivation to do anything today. I really didn’t accomplish anything that I could list for you.

This afternoon, I discovered that the car is leaking anti-freeze.

Sigh–BIG sigh.

I filled it up with water. I looked online to see what to do. There is some gunk I can buy but I’m not positive if that gunk is the best option for the car.

I felt a little pull inside. Stress. Tiredness. The “Oh God, please help. I simply CANNOT do this anymore” cry wells up inside.

I told my friend I almost feel like this is going to send me over the edge. (Not literally. It just feels like the last straw.)

Sometimes when these crazy things have happened I’ve laughed. Today, I just knew I couldn’t laugh. If I started, I may have ended up laughing hysterically. (Not the good type of laughing hysterically.)

Tonight, I went out to eat with my employees. We had a nice visit. They are all nice ladies.

One of them joked about something I had done. She said, “Don’t worry, I’ll visit you in jail.”

Deep internal sigh.

She doesn’t know. I tried to deflect a little bit. I don’t know how successful I was.

Change the subject….

Tonight, I picked James up from my friend’s house. She had graciously offered to watch him so I could go do something fun.

It was late. The air was a clean summer night’s air.

I drove home with the windows down and heard crickets. They chirped and chirped.

A pleasant sound at the end of a very long day.

Praise music was playing on the CD. I realized that the crickets were praising God too.

“Ok, God. That’s what I need to do. I will praise you. I will praise you for who you are. I will praise you for this car that is once again causing problems. I will praise you that I have a washer that doesn’t work and no money to fix it or this car. I will praise you that you are the God who sees and you know before I ask what I need. I will put on the garment of praise in place of this spirit of heaviness.”

It helps. It’s better than falling off the deep end over a silly car problem.

So I’m on my way to bed soon, but I’m asking God to help me to sleep well. I’m praying that he will take away this stress inside my body. I’m asking him to give me the strength and the grace to pass another test he has sent my way. I’m asking him to provide abundantly and that I will not pass up any opportunity to praise him.

Night.

Lizzie

9 Thoughts Shared to Sigh

  1. Lisa

    Save the $$ for the gunk and develop a habit of checking it.My current car is a ’93 and I do a quick inspection every day or so of all fluids. It gets us there and it’s paid for!! Praying for you and your family!

  2. Kate

    I’m sorry you’re having a rough time, but you’re absolutely correct in praising God for it all! Did you ever read ‘The Hiding Place’–Corrie ten Boom’s story? Remember when her sister Betsie insisted on thanking/praising God for the fleas in their concentration camp?? Corrie couldn’t fathom why on earth one should praise/thank God for fleas, but she did it anyway. And later they discovered the fleas kept the guards out so they could hold Bible studies and reach so many women for Christ and shine a light in that flea ridden darkness.

  3. Christy

    Aww. Thinking of you, Lizzie.

  4. martha

    Remember that God is using you to bless others.

    A teenage boy that we sheltered last year has unfortunately been jailed for drugs. I regularly read your blog, and the bits and pieces you’ve written about your visitation times helped prepare our family for visiting him. As you well know, there’s so many bureaucratic details. Our friend teared up with joyful surprise when my husband visited him on this the third day of his 90 day sentence.

    Thank you for your help, and please know that even when you don’t FEEL it, God is at work.

  5. Amy

    Ugh, that’s rough Lizzie. I will be praying for your car to be fixed soon and for the Lord to give you the strength to endure and hold on.

  6. adustyframe

    Thank you all for your prayers. I so don’t want to sound whiney. Somedays, though I just feel like I can’t take it anymore;) (slightly melodramatic huh?)

    Martha, thank you for letting me know that what I’ve written about visits was helpful to you!

    I’m sure that your husband’s visits are a huge blessing to him.

    Kate, yes. I love that story from the Hiding Place. I know that God desires that we give thanks in all things. I try to always do that. What happens sometimes, is first I feel defeated or frustrated and THEN I give thanks. I’m praying that I will FIRST give thanks!

  7. Ame

    I understand. A few weeks ago in the middle of regulating meds, I just sat down. My whole body just shut down, and I couldn’t do anything if I wanted to. Then my Youngest came in, wrapped her arms around me and caressed my face, and said, “It’s okay, Mommy, I’m here.”

  8. Kate

    Well, Lizzie….remember Corrie didn’t think to give thanks for the fleas and thought Betsie was nuts! So really…if I compare you to Corrie ten Boom, it’s a good day, right? :o) To even remember to give thanks after the defeat or frustration is still a great thing. I don’t think many do that. Remember how Corrie thought her faith was nothing compared to Betsie’s, and she thought how much ‘better’ Betsie was than she was? Yet here we readers are thinking WOW, if only *I* was as great as Corrie!! So again, I’d say you’re doing really well if a perfect stranger reading your blog thinks you remind her of Corrie. :o)

    Seriously, I learn a lot from your blog and I appreciate the lessons. Thank you for your trransparency, your insight, and your willingness to share it all.

  9. PrayerSister

    Oh, I’m sighing right along with you. Has the car thing been figured out, yet?

Thank You for Sharing Your Thoughts