I became a church pianist when I was 12 years old. The pianist moved away and she asked me to take over.
For over 20 years, (Do I have to tell how many over 2o?!) I’ve participated in the worship service by using my talent to serve the Lord at the piano.
I studied piano pedagogy in college, but changed my major due to time constraints. It’s hard to work ones way through college and practice the piano for as many hours as the major required.
Playing the piano is something I am good at. (I’m so not boasting, it’s really one of my strong talents.) I enjoy playing and accompanying the time of worship.
Recently, our worship service has been restructured. To participate in the worship service, I will have to commit to a weekly 45-90 minute practice session on Saturdays.
I simply cannot do that. I have prayed about it and I know that I cannot do it. I often work on Saturdays. I am not in any way making an excuse when I say that I cannot make another commitment.
I am already stretched to the limit with things that require my time. I already do not have enough time to do the things that are God’s priorities for my life.
Serving the Lord is definitely a priority, but I’m having to let go of how I serve.
Serving the Lord by doing something that I truly love was a blessed thing for me.
I have to tell you that I honestly have shed tears over this decision. I don’t want to tell Pastor that I cannot commit to this. I don’t want to sit through the song service in the pew.
I know that there will be comments or rolled eyes. I’ve seen them and heard them through all the things I have had to let go in this trial. I wonder if people don’t know that I see? I know that people will not understand when I say I cannot commit to this. There will probably be the insinuation that I am not willing to serve. (Not from Pastor, he’s been a wonderful encouragment to both Lee and I.)
I am willing to serve and have been willing for many years.
I have to trust the Lord that he knows my heart. I have to not care what anyone says or implies. To put it frankly, I am not serving them! I am serving him.
He knows my time constraints. He knows that I am so tired. He knows that I do everything by myself. He knows that I have a hard time visiting Lee as often as I could. He knows.
I have prayed that God would show me what to let go of or where I can cut back. I didn’t foresee it being THIS. I didn’t think it would be something that I love.
He knows though doesn’t he? He knows what I need. He knows where my limits are. He knows that I asked him to show me what to do.
I’m not sure how treading through these uncharted waters will feel. I am pretty sure my fingers will feel like dancing across the hymn book as we sing.
So for now, my voice will sing when for so many years it has been my fingers singing to God echoing the cry of my heart.
Psalm 40:3 And he hath put a new song in my mouth, even praise unto our God: many shall see it, and fear, and shall trust in the LORD.