Have you ever watched “What not to wear?” It’s a funny show, although I’d be mortified to be nominated.
They laugh and tease people showing them how absurd their clothing is, but in the end it was all for their good and they come out looking like a million bucks.
I think we need a “What not to say” show. Maybe we won’t laugh at you too obnoxiously, but it would be refreshing to point out to people the absurdity of their questions!
I’ve been mulling over in my mind a post about this.
Often I try to be very careful what I post. I don’t want it to sound like whining or “my problem is worse than yours” (Oh I despise that game that people play!)
I read this post and thought, “If she can do it so nicely so can I!”
The Deputy Headmistress said,
“I get so many irritating questions from people I think should know better, and I try to be charitable, but really- people, even perfectly lovely, sweet, nice people, feel that anything they are curious about simply must be their business, and you know, it really isn’t. I do not really say any of these things, mostly. But the things in quotes are things you really don’t need to ask.”
& this“I know we’re all just curious. But we do not have a right to have our curiosity regarding other people’s personal, private family matters satisfied. This is not because there is something ‘shameful’ about that private information, but because nosiness is not good manners.”
So without further ado, here are my “not to say” things.
1. Do you get conjugal visits?
Oh my word! How tacky is that anyway?
I don’t ask people about their intimate relationships.
2. What did he do?
If I wanted to share that with you I would. It really doesn’t matter. The trial isn’t any better or worse for me if you know is it?
Pastor summed it up well for me the other day when I told him I saw my neighbor there as a guard.
“He did something, he’s paying for it, God is changing him, end of story. If they don’t like it that’s their problem.”
(Thank you, Pastor!)
3. I wish I had some time in jail. I’d love a vacation.
No you don’t and that is an incredibly stupid thing to say.
4. Must be nice sitting in a country club.
5. God doesn’t give you more than you can handle.
At one point, I literally said I was going to slap the next person that said that to me.
Maybe you could say, “I’ll pray for you that God will show his grace and strength in your life.” Much more comforting.
6. You haven’t been willing to serve.
I have been willing.
Sometimes I’m not able.
That is between me and God.
My mother said, “Honey, people who haven’t been through these kinds of trials don’t realize that some days breathing takes all the energy you have.”
7. You’re only homeshooling one.
Yes and your point is what? That somehow it’s less of a commitment or that I am not a real homeschooler? Want to trade places?
8. Just do XYZ
People have such simple solutions. Sometimes I think it’s because they want to help. Sometimes I think it’s because they don’t have a clue.
Just do more Ebay,
You should be walking to work,
You should homeschool at the store,
Well how hard is it to just….
The hard thing about these comments is that if I try to explain why something won’t work, it appears that I’m making excuses or that I’m not willing to listen.
Most of the time the person telling me what I should be doing is the one not listening.
I wish I was bold enough to say,
“Just what part of I’m homeschooling, single parenting, running a business, and trying to keep my marriage together do you not understand? “
9. I wish someone would give me (fill in the blank with any one of the blessings God has sent our way.)
I wonder if they want my trials too? Or just the blessings?The thing is God blesses us in this trial. People weren’t randomly giving me money, or bringing me things I need, or helping me with car repairs, or free babysitting when my husband was home working.
Here is another post that explains how trials change you. I remember reading this and shaking my head yes!
So there you have it. I hope I was “nice” enough! I wrote this a loooooong time ago and have re-worked it and sat on it for awhile.
I try to be careful what I post when I’m upset so you can be guaranteed that I’m not upset about anything now if I’m posting this!