Yesterday, I was looking around my home.
I saw clutter, dirty dishes, cat hair, stuff everywhere, laundry piled high.
That’s not like me.
Me is clean, polished, organized, decorated, non-dusty.
A random thought ran through my head, “It’s so much work trying to keep life normal.”
It is. I can’t do all the things I used to do. Thinking about doing them makes me short circuit. Some days running 2 errands is more than I can handle.
I looked at the grass stained pants pile sitting by the tub, the lint in the corner of the floor by the kitchen door, the pile of paperwork and sighed.
This life I have now, the way I can’t get everything done, the tiredness and lack of energy is not me. It’s not normal.
As I thought about this and sighed and asked God to help me keep my priorities in place and do what it is I need to do to please him, a thought scampered through my mind.
“Maybe you’re not supposed to be trying to keep life normal right now.”
I was stunned. Maybe I’m not. Maybe it’s ok that my home isn’t kept to the standards that I used to hold. Maybe my life is so far from “normal” right now that it is ok that I don’t serve in all the capacities I used to.
Maybe our lack of normalcy right now doesn’t have to be compensated for by my already tired self. Maybe I can just live the life we have right now.
It’s a new normal. One I did not want. One I did not choose or have a say in. One that God has allowed us to endure.
Maybe I need to make the best of it, seize every opportunity for beauty and joy, and let go of the way home used to be.
Maybe it’s ok that my weekend dishes didn’t get washed until today. Or that my paperwork waits until another day.
Maybe it’s ok that I concentrate on having a right relationship with God and mothering my son in the very best way that I can.
There really isn’t a maybe is there? It’s ok that I can’t keep our life “normal”.
This is the day the Lord has made. This day with dust bunnies, dirty dishes, a tired mom, and clutter not quite put away.
Because, while I am unable to run as tight of a ship as I used to, I honestly believe that God has shown me the priorities he has for me right now.
*Walk daily with him.
*Nurture my son
*Support my husband.
Dust bunnies, dishes, and yes even serving the Lord outside of my home are not on my list. I may get to them sometimes, but I’m going to ask God to help me not allow my heart to feel stress when I simply cannot step outside of the priorities he has called me to.