It still surprises me
by adustyframe ~ April 7th, 2008It still surprises me sometimes, how deep these emotion are. Or how quickly they can overflow.
Tonight at Bible study, we shared prayer requests.
I shared our requests for Lee’s release. I said that he is so excited, but I am fearful of all the unknowns. Then I started crying. (I detest crying in public!)
I wasn’t sobbing. The tears just kept rolling down my face. I haven’t really shared that I am fearful about his release. I think that saying it out loud relieved the plug I had shoved into my emotions.
I am not fearful that Lee is being released! Not at all. I am fearful of all the unknowns, the “what ifs”.
Lee will be released from prison next month.
At that time he will enter a low security facility. What we understand right now is that he will be able to work. We will be able to see him. He will be able to go to church. He just won’t be coming home.
When he comes home is up to his parole plan which we still do not know. It could be a brief time, or it could be a long time.
Lee will be on probation when he is released. He will be at the mercy of his parole officer. He will be “owned” by the state and obligated to follow any of their directions. This is of course a consequence of his actions and we understand that.
We have a lot of questions, a lot of things we don’t know and a lot of things that could make our lives difficult.
If you’d like to pray for us here’s what we are praying for.
1. Lee needs a job. We’re praying for a good paying job!
2. We need another vehicle.
3. His parole officer–that she would keep her word. That she would be fair.
Lee’s life will be completely in her hands for the duration of his probation.
4. Our marriage–that we will continue to grow and cherish one another. That we will have time to work on our marriage and be together.
5. Our family as we enter a huge adjustment in our lives. We have to figure out how to do this.
I was thinking about it this morning. I know how to “do” Lee being in prison.
6. That Lee will be able to come home soon.
7. That I would trust God for ALL the unknowns. I have spent the last several weeks really struggling with letting go. I’m not in control anyway right?
I have a huge list of “what ifs”. I have to continually take them to the Lord and beg him to help me trust. He is God. He is good. HE is in control (much more than his parole officer).
He knows what we need. He knows when we need it. If he allows something we call difficult, then he will continue to meet our needs and supply his grace to endure.
I KNOW all these things. I still have to continually release my questions and fears to him.
See? I have not arrived have I? I have a long way to go.
Thank you for praying for us. God is good. He has brought us this far. I know he will continue to carry us through.
April 7th, 2008 at 7:25 am
I praise the Lord that Lee is coming out of jail soon. its normal to feel nervous, to feel scared. I hate unknowns too, we cant plan for it, we can’t see it coming till it hits us. But one good thing we can know for sure, that Lee may be completely in his parole’s officer’s hands… but the parole officer is completely in God’s hands, even if she knows it or not. I’ll pray for you all.
April 7th, 2008 at 8:43 am
One step closer to coming home! I will keep everyone in my prayers.
Thank you, Jenn. I appreciate you.
April 7th, 2008 at 8:50 am
Thinking of you all today, Lizzie, with a heart full of tender prayer and praise to God for you.
April 7th, 2008 at 9:01 am
having a long way to go….don’t we all but the thing I keep holding onto is He is ahead of us…He has our backsides and we just need to focus on step by step in the inbetween…I am praying for you and your whole family. Thanks so much for sharing your journey….
Thanks:). I appreciate your prayer.
April 7th, 2008 at 10:43 am
I’m so happy he will be out soon. Remember how you eat an elephant, one bite at a time. God will provide all you need when He knows you need it. I also constantly struggle with “waiting on the Lord.” But when things are finally answered I know that it was in His perfect timing. Still, it’s hard to wait. I’m praying.
You are right. Thank you for your encouragement.
April 7th, 2008 at 1:24 pm
That is good good good news
In a way this stagged return may be a blessing- you can get used to worshiping with Lee, having his pay cheque and seeing more of him as a family without having him ‘there’ all of a sudden. Am I expressing that right? I mean it in a good way- of course I know you are longing to have him there all the time and have been for a long time. But I am so very pleased that you have a new stage to begin- an end to some of the waiting and unknowns- and as the Lord has kept you through them He will keep you through these. Oh, I know I already said it, but that news thrills my heart.Lots of smiles and hugs and love and prayers and anything else nice you can think of 
!
Thank you, Susanna. You are a great encourager.
April 7th, 2008 at 3:26 pm
This transition sounds like a blessing–you both can ease into a new routine…I think that as long as you both tell each other what your expectations are (goals, routines, etc.) before the transition begins, y’all are going to be fine! It could be the perfect way to have a fresh start…
I am praying for you–and your husband and son!
Hugs,
Kat
Thank you for your prayers. You’re right, we have to communicate.
April 7th, 2008 at 3:36 pm
Lizzie, I’m so happy for you. It is perfectly normal to feel the way you do. And I agree with Susanna, I believe the “staged return” is the best thing, rather than *bang*! He’s there all the time, you know? It’s been, what? three years? Getting back into normality again should’t be rushed. What a shock to the system that would be! Of course, I really have no experience, and probably don’t know a thing about what I’m saying, but it has been something that has been on my mind the last month or so, and I have been praying for you about it, but never mentioned it to you, I mean how do you ask those sorts of questions?
Thanks Jen. You are probably right. It’s going to be such a huge adjustment.
April 7th, 2008 at 5:40 pm
Oh, Lizzie! I am so excited that Lee will be getting out. I will be praying for your family during the transition!
Smiles,
K
Thank you, Kim. Thanks so much for your prayers.
April 7th, 2008 at 8:44 pm
Dear Lizzie, Wow, that’s great news. I have been praying about you being prepared for your husband to come home. I imagine it will be an adjustment. I’ll pray that this new step goes really well for all of you. Are you going to keep blogging? I hope so! Sincerely, Susan
I think I will keep blogging. This story isn’t over yet. Thank you for already praying for us about this.
April 8th, 2008 at 4:49 am
Thanks for posting this. I’m glad that you’re working through this in your own mind, and asking for prayer. Knowing how to pray specifically for you is helpful….I think of you guys often.
Thank you, Marie.
April 8th, 2008 at 5:32 am
What wonderful news…light at the end of the tunnel. I can understand your nervousness. You have been alone for quite awhile now and it will be a big transition for you and James. I will keep you in my prayers.
Thank you, Robin. Thanks for praying for us.
April 8th, 2008 at 9:42 am
Hi, Lizzie. That’s just amazing news! Change is always scary, but this is good change! Best of luck to Lee for finding a job. I hope that others see that he has paid his debt and deserves another chance. He is lucky to be coming home to such a loving family. I bet he’ll have a blast with James!
Thank you.
April 8th, 2008 at 3:07 pm
WOW!! how exciting….I will continue to pray for you all….I think (along with prayer) the best thing you can do is to constantly share with each other that this is new to all of you…..the best thing is you are NOT WALKING THIS PATH ALONE…..the Lord is with you and so are all of us who pray for you daily. God Bless, Pam, South Bend
Thank you, Pam. I truly appreciate your prayers. They mean so much to us. You’re right, we are not alone.
April 8th, 2008 at 7:08 pm
Ok Lizzie…I could go on and on, but I won’t monopolize again! You are amazing! I am praising God and praying for your step by step adjustment for each of you with such a great blessing. You will be “normal” and that is going to look different to you in so many ways. Pray about letting go and letting God. All the things you do to be mom, dad, husband and wife will have to be divided between you and Lee and be able to respond to James in the process….let Lee be the “alpha” in the earthly home…keeping the Alpha & Omega first in your walk, your marriage and your family.
Praying for this journey each day!
Thank you, Heidi. I appreciate your thoughts and your kind words.
Thanks so much for praying.
April 9th, 2008 at 7:05 am
Wonderful news! It occurs to me that military wives would be a great resource for you. I know my neighbor’s family had a less-than-smooth readjustment when Dad came home from Iraq. I will be praying for you, for a job for Lee, a vehicle and for James. His expectations of “life with Daddy” will need protection by prayer. You have come this far by faith, I know you will hang on.
Thank you, Lisa. Sometimes I can’t imagine what being a family feels like. We have a lot of adjusting. I am thankful for your prayers.
April 9th, 2008 at 5:13 pm
How wonderful that his time at this facility is ending! I will pray for the smoothest transition for all of you. This gives me a thought – we are constantly in transition! What changeable creatures God made us to be! It amazes me. As I was reading this blog, I kept wondering about the probation officer…does she love Jesus? I know that your marriage and your family will be a living testimony for her and whatever struggles she goes through in life, just as you are for all of us online. What great servants you are for Christ. God is with you.
Thank you, Gina. We are praying for his probation officer. Maybe she does love Jesus. That would be awesome.
Thank you for your kind words.
April 11th, 2008 at 3:15 am
April 13th, 2008 at 6:42 pm
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