Weird

by adustyframe ~ May 15th, 2008

It is soooo weird being a wife again. I know that I have been one all along, but I’ve really felt like a single girl. No one to answer to, no one to call if I’m out late–that sort of stuff.

I’m still single parenting. It will be quite awhile before our family is back to “normal”.

So even though I have been a wife all along, I’ve mostly been surviving. I’ve been trying to keep afloat, creating a life, attempting to stay sane, and above all I’ve been parenting. I’m more of a wife this week than I’ve been in years.

This week has been bittersweet. We can’t all be together and Lee is not really free yet but I’ve been able to be there for him for 2 1/2 solid days. I haven’t spent so much childless time in years. I have just been a wife this week and I must say I like it!

I’ve struggled this week balancing James’ needs with Lee’s, but I know that my marriage comes first. Lee needs me and I need to help him. James has been having a blast playing at his friend’s house and being with Grandma.

This morning, while Lee was applying for a job, I went to the grocery store. He said he was hungry and I wanted to get him a snack.

I picked out his favorite donut–pershing–and walked through the store with a silly grin on my face. It felt so good to be able to care for him. I can’t explain how wonderful it was to know that my husband was applying for a job and that I could see him again in a few minutes.

The first day when we went to get lunch, Lee sat next to me in the booth. Our knees touched as we ate. Just like the “old dating days”. I’ve had my hand held so much these past days that I feel like a silly school girl.

Many years ago, Lee lost his wedding band. It was during a very bad time in our marriage and I felt that he lost it on purpose! Needless to say his lack of a wedding band was a huge sore spot. About a year ago, I said, “When you come home I want you to get a wedding band.” He said, “I’d be delighted to wear one.” On Tuesday, we bought a tungsten steel wedding band. I love seeing a wedding band on his finger. I keep telling him how sharp he looks with that ring on his finger.

So many things about this are wonderful, weird, and sad all at the same time.

I can call him just to talk. We can do some normal things. (Ok with huge restrictions and a curfew, but it beats prison anyday!). I can take care of him.

I finally clipped his bushy eyebrows. You can believe those were driving me crazy! I rubbed his sore neck. All these things are just little, but they are things we haven’t had in a very long time.

As we drove around town applying for jobs, he saw so many changes. Some of these changes happened quite awhile ago, but everything is new to him. New buildings, missing buildings, new intersections. He’s seeing things that I hadn’t really noticed. When he points them out, I am amazed how long he’s been gone. I’ll say, “Oh that happened in 2006” and then I realize that he sort of missed 2006 (and 2007).

He’s different.

*He’s nervous right now. He’s worried about not seeing James. He’s worried about his probation going wrong. He’s worried about the unknowns.

*He drinks water with his meals. I have NEVER seen my husband drink water with his meals.

*He bought a different type of underclothing than he’s ever worn. I put the old favorites in the cart and he said, “I don’t wear those anymore.” It wasn’t a big thing, but my heart felt funny. It was something I should have known, but how could I? We haven’t lived together for so long.

*He is very considerate. I don’t mean to say he wasn’t considerate before, but he’s VERY considerate.

*We looked at the Christian bookstore today. He saw a Dennis Rainey marriage Bible and picked it right up. He looked through it and read some things to me. He said, “Wow. That is so nice.” That is not my old husband. What a blessing to see him cherish our marriage.

I’m sure I’ll think of all sorts of things I meant to share but it’s late and I get to spend another day with my husband tomorrow. I feel like this post is rambley and not organized very well, but that’s how it’s coming out of my head.

Next week, hopefully he will be working and I won’t see him as much. I told him today that I DO need to spend some days at home soon.

This week though, he needed me and I needed him. My mother in law said today, “This is so important for you two to do this this week.” She’s right.

This week was Lee’s birthday. He doesn’t care about them, but I do and I am so thankful that this year I didn’t have to lean across a table in the prison visiting room to wish him a happy birthday.

Lizzie

20 Thoughts Shared to Weird

  1. Jen

    Lizzie, I am so excited for you and Lee. I read this post with be goofiest grin on my face. Wish him my best with the job hunt! And I’ll continue to pray that this is only a breath of a time, and that he will be properly home soon.

    Thank you for your prayers and happiness for us!

  2. Ame

    wow, lizzie … wow. i am so overwhelmed for you i can hardly speak! what an amazing, surreal, yet very real time … thank you very much for sharing.

    Thank you, Ame.

  3. TransitionGirl

    i’m so happy for you two! so cute, the donut thing. 🙂 It’s good that Lee is determined to stay close to the Lord.

    Thank you:)

  4. Rebekah

    I am so happy for you! It is so wonderful to see how the Lord has made your marriage into something so sweet and how your husband is cherishing you.

    I am reminded of the Proverbs 31 woman whenever I read your blog. You are truly an example of that!

    I will continue to pray!
    Rebekah

    Rebekah, you are too kind. I appreciate your kind thoughts and prayers.

  5. Tara

    **tears** I don’t even have words for you, Liz. ((((hugs)))

    Thank you, Tara.

  6. Robin in New Jersey

    Wonderful news, Lizzie. I am so happy for you. How long do you think it will be before he can see James?

    We don’t know. We’re praying that it won’t be much longer.

  7. Kim

    I’m so thankful!

  8. Jenn

    I’m so happy your MIL has been helping you with James so that you and Lee can spend time together! I agree – it IS important!

    Please wish Lee a belated Happy Birthday from your readers! 🙂

    Thank you for the birthday wish. I passed them onto him and he said that was so nice. Yes my mother in law is a wonderful woman.

  9. Susan

    Dear Lizzie, Reading that was better than a Hallmark movie! I can see God’s plan in having it be just the two of you for a short (!) while so you can have things in the right order. How awesome his birthday was this week, a new start. God bless you all. Love, Susan

    WOW! Better than a Hallmark movie?:)! You made my day. Thank you for your kindness and support.

  10. becky

    tears and joy…..me who doesn’t even KNOW you tears and joy….what you must be experiencing….wow…..hold on tight to HIM even now, hold on tight….praying

    Thank you, Becky. Thank you for praying.

  11. Susanna

    Oh Lizzie- this is such a wonderful wonderful post. It made my heart smile….I think it will pop when you are finally together again properly!!!!! Praying for that day and for the eventual father and son reunion. Lots of lovexxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

    Thank you, Susanna!

  12. Laural

    There’s a different tone to your postings now that Lee is free. You have been so stressed, so cautious, and now I sense you are starting to let go. It’s lovely! You and your family are in my prayers- I have no doubt that great things are going to come to you, more than already have.

    Thank you. I’m glad you noticed. I do feel better. I’m not quite all the way there yet. Thank you for praying.

  13. The NON-Superwoman

    So glorious to see prayer answered. So encouraged to hear that you have a “new” husband. Praying for you continually!

    Thank you! What a blessing your prayer support is to us.

  14. Lisa

    Sounds better than you’ve had it. If it’s not too personal–how long was he “gone.” I’ve been reading your blog for a while, but don’t know that I read a time frame.

    I hope James will make an easy transition to your re-prioritizing things.

    He has not lived at home since the fall of 2004.

  15. Pam

    I don’t even have the words to tell you how I am touch by your journey…..Will you show Lee your blog???? I think he would be sooooo proud of you and please to know how many hearts you have touched with your sharing honestly…..God Bless, Pam, South Bend

    I will when I can. I’ve printed out posts and comments for him several times already. Thank you for your kind comments.

  16. Patricia (Pollywog Creek)

    I feel quite honored and blessed to have this little window of your life to peek through, Lizzie. Praying for your precious family even now. (((Hugs)))

    You are welcome. We are so honored that you care and pray.

  17. Katherine

    I enjoyed reading this post–I can really feel your emotions and I am so happy for you.

    I am glad y’all have this time together–so much opportunity for healing and starting fresh!

    I’m keeping you all in my prayers!
    :)Hugs,
    Katherine

    Thank you, Katherine.

  18. Christy

    Happy Birthday, Lee.

    And happy, happy week to you, too, Lizzie.

    Thank you, Christy.

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