Which “props” am I leaning on?
by adustyframe ~ August 19th, 2008In a former post, I answered a question from my inbox. I think I still have a good two or three posts from it! (haha! Hope you’re not sick of it yet.)
When I answered the question “What hurt you?” I mentioned broken promises.
When Lee first went to jail, he was told that someone had stepped forward to pay one of our bills if we needed the help.
We were so encouraged and thankful. However, at the time, we didn’t need help paying the bill.
I thanked God that this promise had been made, and thanked him that I didn’t need to use it yet.
When I finally needed help, I discovered that the person had changed their mind. To this day, I have no clue who the person was and I’m glad that I don’t know. This was all relayed to Lee by another person because the promise maker desired to remain anonymous which is perfectly understandable.
When I found out that the promise was no longer valid, I was stunned. I was told, “But we thought that would be a blessing to you to know that this person wanted to help you.”
I said that it was a blessing, but I had counted on their word. I didn’t realize it was a “feel good” thing.
I felt foolish to tell you the truth. I have never asked people to pay my way. I don’t expect that in the least. I would have never thought, “Someone should step up and pay this bill for me.” But when it was offered, I thought I should count on it. I felt like I was being viewed as a taker, when I needed the help and that is not a fun feeling.
I’ve learned through this trial that people often say things to make themselves feel good.
It’s easy to say we will do something for someone. We quickly say, “I’ll pray for you.” It’s easy to promise things to people. I’ve realized that doing so without following through on my word is wrong.
I can’t quite explain to you how it felt to have this prop knocked out from under me. I was hurt and confused. I struggled with feeling that I should have taken the money even when I didn’t need it. (I firmly believe doing so would have been wrong. But if I’m being honest it was a struggle.)
This person may have truly had a reason for breaking their promise. That is between them and God.
The Lord taught me some valuable lessons through these experiences.
*Say what you mean.
*Don’t offer things to people unless you mean it. Doing it to make yourself or them “feel good” isn’t a valid reason.
*God will still care for us. If they were meant to be the ones to fill a need and they chose not to, they are the ones missing out on the blessings.
The biggest thing I realized however, was that I was depending on the person more than I was depending on God. I used the promise as a prop rather than leaning on my Saviour.
OUCH! I had to confess that to the Lord and pray for his help to depend only on Him.
Throughout this trial, each broken promise (the above story is only one example) reminded me that my dependence must only be placed in God.
People will and do fail us. That is just a fact of life.
God? He never fails. His promises are eternal. His word is a promise you can depend on.
What a blessing to know that while people may hurt us or break promises, God never will.
How blessed I am to know that when I fail others or break my promises, God forgives me and allows me to make things right.
I know you could read this and think I’m angry about this. I am not. The story I shared happened years ago and since then I’ve seen God work on our behalf so many times that I know that he is trustworthy. He has provided money out of the blue. He has provided work for me from “nowhere”. He has provided supplies or clothes we need in a myriad of ways.
I am simply asking you to be careful what you promise. If you offer help, or time, or babysitting, or prayer to someone, mean it when you say it.
If you’re on the other side of the needs, remember that God makes a better prop than people do.
My Dad used to say, “People will always fail us. However, we don’t serve people, we serve God. Keep your eyes on Jesus. He will never fail you.”
Psalm 119:50 This is my comfort in my affliction, that your promise gives me life.
August 20th, 2008 at 7:15 am
These are all valuable lessons, Lizzie, and I am so glad you learned from the experience rather than growing bitter over it.
I think sometimes, too, people mean well but don’t think through things when they offer something, and then when it’s needed they find they can’t. I’ve had that happen to me, only in lesser situations than what you described, and usually involving time.
A lady at our school recently was discussing her elderly father-in-law’s physical problems and commented, “What he needs to do is move here.” I immediately thought, “But you’re never home! That wouldn’t help him!” She and her husband work 40+ hours a week plus sometimes in the evening — if her fil moved here he’d still be pretty much alone most of the time. But she just had that impulse to want to take care of him without thinking through the practicality of it.
I’m wondering, too, if the folks in your situation had the means to help when they first offered but then didn’t later on — or if they had a sum of money they wanted to use for someone, and when you didn’t need it then, they offered it to someone else.
Whatever the situation, though, I know it doesn’t lessen the hurt and disappointment of finding out something you were counting on didn’t come through. You re so right that people can disappoint us in many ways, but Jesus never does. And it is a good reminder for us to think first before offering help and then to come through once we do offer.
Thanks for your thoughts:).
I think there can be a myriad of reasons that they didn’t follow through. I understand that logically:). But you’re right that knowing that doesn’t lessen the struggle I had to deal with.
Perhaps if people offer something and can’t follow through, it would just be better to be honest at the point rather than letting the offer wave in the breeze as though it still exists.
That I could definitely respect.
August 20th, 2008 at 6:20 pm
Liz
I so much understand what you are saying. We have gone through a great deal of struggle the last almost three years with my dh’s health and our finances. I too have had offers withdrawn, but I have also seen God supply in incredible ways. (For a brief idea of our journey read this.)
It is so much easier to rely on those tangle ways you can see then the secret ways of God, isn’t it? The fact that you have made it this far and have seen so much growth and change- in you, your husband, your marriage- as well as all the provision from God is an awesome testimony to His goodness and faithfulness.
People are human and we cannot expect much from them, but God is, well as my pastor puts it GOD (said in a deep massive voice). Keep focusing your eyes on Him and don’t let others lack of better judgment cloud your vision.
I like how your pastor says “God”. ! Thank you for the understanding.