Miserable Failure
by adustyframe ~ October 19th, 2008That’s me! I am a miserable failure. John Newton summed it up.
I am a great sinner, and that Christ is a great Saviour.
Last week, I blew it big time.
The first thing that happened was that Lee told me something that we may (or may not) be facing in the near future. Instead of trusting God, I went straight to being upset.
I cried all afternoon. I am not exaggerating. I imagined every bad thing that could happen and I examined all the “what ifs”.
Needless to say it wasn’t a pleasant day. I was upset. I upset Lee. There was no peace.
I prayed feebly. I asked God to help me trust, but I didn’t lay my burdens at his feet. I grasped them tightly and continued to worry.
Then the very same day, I flew off the handle at my neighbor. If I told you the whole saga, you’d probably say I was justified or that she deserved it.
It was at the end of a long day of worrying and instead of getting right with God, I just stepped into more sin.
Maybe she needed to hear elements of what I said to her, but I didn’t speak to her in a Christ honoring way and I was ashamed of myself.
I apologized to her. I apologized to James who witnessed my behavior. I told him that mom was wrong because we must always do right no matter what anyone says or does to us.
I confessed to the Lord and asked him to help me to live a life that pleases him, but I could not shake the feeling that I was nothing but a failure.
All week long, I struggled with shame and guilt.
“You’re just a failure.” “You of all people should know better.” “How can you write a blog like yours and fail like this?”
And then I realized that the long days of beating myself up and feeling defeated was from the accuser.
Revelation 12:10 And I heard a loud voice saying in heaven, Now is come salvation, and strength, and the kingdom of our God, and the power of his Christ: for the accuser of our brethren is cast down, which accused them before our God day and night.
There’s nothing more I can do to change that I blew it, but I can accept Christ’s forgiveness and use this as a lesson. I have not arrived. I have far to go.
I am a great sinner, and that Christ is a great Saviour.
October 20th, 2008 at 5:12 am
Thanks for sharing. I’m not sure why, but its comforting to know that others fail, too. But was serve an amazing God Who forgives!
You are welcome! I don’t try to paint myself perfect here and I’d prefer not to share my warts, but they are many!
October 20th, 2008 at 5:49 am
Praying for peace and strength for you.
Thank you, Jenn.
October 20th, 2008 at 7:53 am
You’re right. If we’ve confessed to God and asked his forgiveness, any accusations come from the accuser.
The rest of that Scripture passage is wonderful too. Paraphrasing: they overcame him by the blood of the Lamb and by the word or their testimony.
Keep testifying, Lizzie.
Thank you for sharing the rest of the passage.
October 20th, 2008 at 8:08 am
I was just thinking last night about how many times I had failed this week- getting frustrated, raising my voice, not having quiet times (etc etc etc!) Praise God that He has softened our consciences that we know when we fail and praise His name that we can find forgiveness in Him.
Thank you for sharing this. You are right that it’s a blessing that God loves us enough to prick our conscience.
October 20th, 2008 at 9:59 am
Wednesday, I was there too….cried all day, said things I shouldn’t have, jumped to conclusions, worried like crazy,and did way too many “what ifs”.
Thank goodness for forgiveness and that his mercies are new every morning.
Thanks for sharing Lizzie.
((Hugs))
October 20th, 2008 at 10:34 am
Recognizing our failures keeps us humble. Then we can repent and move on, and recognize that God’s love for us is like our love for our children–we love them through all of their small failures.
You are right!
October 20th, 2008 at 12:49 pm
Amazing how this resonates with all of us. Right now I am struggling with the same feelings. Somehow it’s easier to tell ourselves that we’re failures and He’s mad at us, than just accept the fact that He loves us in spite of the fact we blew it.
I hope that you’ve had a chance to get with God about it…remember His mercies are new every morning.
October 20th, 2008 at 1:30 pm
I don’t know if you’ve ever seen Joyce Meyer
but she teaches using a rocking chair….when you are “IN” the grip of guilt you are moving in the rocking chair staying busy—with condemnation—but going NO WHERE!! God Bless you Lizzie for your honesty. Pam, South Bend
That’s a good analogy! Thank you for sharing it.
October 20th, 2008 at 3:56 pm
We are all human–all sinners. I *can* say that I don’t read blogs of “perfect people”, because I want to be able to relate to the people who are writing…
Well, if you don’t read blogs of perfect people you’re definitely in the right place!
October 20th, 2008 at 6:39 pm
Oh, I forgot to mention….you get extra points for quoting John Newton… (yes, I LOVED the movie “Amazing Grace”) – his “Out of the Depths” has been on my “Must read some day when I get a chance” list for years.
October 21st, 2008 at 10:31 am
We’ve all been there — thank God His mercies are new every morning.