I couldn’t sleep tonight. I have been ill since Saturday. I went to bed tonight and woke up with a coughing fit and couldn’t go back to sleep.

I really can’t remember a time when I woke up and couldn’t go back to sleep. I think I’m almost better actually, but it’s been a long 4 days.

I got up and rubbed some more garlic salve on my chest–I smell like dinner but I think it’s helping. I rubbed it into my feet this afternoon and my sinuses started clearing up. I also rubbed it into the sore glands on my neck and my sore throat is a bit closer to better than it has been.

I looked out the window for awhile at the moon on the snow. It reminded me of Anne of Green Gables.

I decided to stay up for a little bit. I made a cup of chamomille tea and turned on the radio to hear quiet Christian music.

James had a sick stomach before bed and now he just made another trip to the bathroom. So I’m almost better and now he’s not feeling well. I’m sure tomorrow will be spent nursing both of us back to health. Poor kid.

When I couldn’t sleep, I was laying in bed thinking that I really can’t believe all this is happening. Night is the most difficult and always has been. During the day, I can stay busy and not think about it. At night, it’s obvious that my husband isn’t here.

I haven’t slept well in all the years he’s been gone. One time at church, I was speaking to a widow and told her that. I also said, “It’s been 2 years you’d think I’d be used to it by now.”

She said her husand had been gone for 10 years and she didn’t sleep well.

It’s amazing how much his absence affects me. It’s not that I’m up at night wringing my hands and falling apart. Not at all. It’s just that he’s a part of me and he’s not here and I don’t sleep well.

Earlier this week at Marriage Monday, the question is what has surprised you most about marriage. I’ve thought about this all week. I guess my answer would be that it’s surprising how much I  love him even through all of this. Then the next surprise is how much I feel his absence even after all this time.

Well, I think the sleepy time tea is doing it’s job. My eyelids are heavy. Thanks for letting me chat with you.

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