Lent at the Jail & a Prayer Request
by adustyframe ~ March 1st, 2009I went to visit Lee today. He said to me incredulously, “So now it’s Lent and they won’t give us meat on Friday. No meat!”
I had to giggle at him a little because he was so shocked. He said they fed him “Some sort of slop.” And 4 other guys gave him theirs because it was so bad.
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Please pray for my husband.
He has some huge choices to make. He has not been doing well spiritually at all. There’s much I can’t share with you because it’s his information, but these past two months have been a very difficult time in our marriage and lives.
I’ve done a lot of struggling myself. Blogging about it has not been easy because there really wasn’t much to say. I could have written a “he’s not doing so great” post every day. Then I’d have followed it up with a “And I’m tired and don’t know what to do” post every day.
My greatest desire is for our marriage to survive and my husband to return to our family as the man God has called him to be. At this point, I really don’t know what Lee will choose and it’s really all up to him.
Pastor saw him on Friday and was very blunt with him. I saw him today and spoke bluntly with him too. He has a lot to think about and I could tell he had already thought a lot about what Pastor told him on Friday.
I wonder sometimes if this is one of our last “big tests”. I don’t know. I do know that if you would pray for us, I’d appreciate it.
I need wisdom and Lee needs strength and a desire to do what’s right. Please pray for our Pastor too. He’s there for both of us trying to encourage and exhort.
The other day I was thinking, “I should read what that Lizzie chick wrote about honoring her covenant and her marriage struggles.” (haha–did your own blog ever convict or encourage you?)
I have said many times that I want to be honest. I don’t ever want you to think that I have shared these things and it must all easy for me.
A couple weeks ago, during church, I realized that I had been angry at God for this new wrinkle in our life.Admitting that was difficult and it still brings me to tears when I think about it. I asked God to forgive me and to help me trust him.
I truly want to please God with my life, my ministry, & my blog. It’s difficult sometimes to be honest and share warts and failings. I remember the books I read when I was searching for answers so many years ago. I remember wondering why these people had “magically” gone from a bad life to a great one without all the struggles and tears.
After awhile, I realized they must have forgotten to share them. They must have written about it far removed from the situation.
That’s a huge part of why I’m writing this blog now. I don’t want to forget all these struggles and feelings and questions. I want to let people know that one can trust God even when they wonder what is going on and what good could possibly come from it.
I know that God has a plan. I’m very certain of that. I’m just attempting to be faithful and not let the questions overwhelm me.
A line from a song encourages me at times like this “….when you can’t trace his hand trust his heart.”
March 1st, 2009 at 10:08 pm
Hugs. We continue to pray for you all.
Thank you!
March 1st, 2009 at 10:32 pm
Praying for peace and comfort, wisdom and strength. (hugs)
Thank you!
March 1st, 2009 at 11:34 pm
Hold to God’s unchanging hand.
That’s exactly what I need to do. Thank you.
March 2nd, 2009 at 1:11 am
praying for both of you. i’m thankful and grateful for your honesty, even though it must be hard for you. huggles.
Thank you:)
March 2nd, 2009 at 1:32 am
Thanks for sharing this….as always, you are in my prayers.
Thank you!
March 2nd, 2009 at 5:45 am
Hugs and prayers, Lizzie. Many hugs and prayers.
Thank you, Tara.
March 2nd, 2009 at 6:11 am
Praying for you, Lizzie.
Saturday, my husband and I were able to attend the Focus on the Family marriage seminar that was simulcast around the country. It was such a blessing. I realized at some point during one of the speakers, that I have been so angry with God for allowing the recent turmoil in our lives. I just want it to be all over, but God still has things for me to learn!
Take good care.
Thank you. Praying for you too.
March 2nd, 2009 at 6:13 am
of course i think and pray for you daily…
i’m guessing he might be feeling like, i gave it over to god..i did good, …i behaved…and it blew up….its hard to be so vulnerable and give it over and be true ….
he confessed what he had done to the parole officer (of which i dont know the details, same as everyone) and BAM..it blew up….
i wonder if part of him had the child like..i’m wrong, if i tell i did wrong i’ll be forgiven…(which i’m sure he was by HIM…but rules are such..and the PO had to make her choices)so now he’s in pitty party mode…he did the depressed down the dumps part (im guessing) and now maybe its the FINE< THIS IS WHO I AM….stick tongue out and pout….he thinks, i worked hard, i prayed and here i am non the less….
i do think this is the big challenge…and if you call overcome this…your relationship, with each other and with HIM will be stronger…but it is being tried and tested…and i know you are sick of it…sadly we dont get to choose do we….you’re having an essay length pop quiz…and you have to not only regurgitate the answers verbatim..you have to APPLY them…use the words in a sentence..the sentences in an essay….
and your last exam of the week is the hardest cause you havent slept all week..studying for the other stuff too..you know the stuff that makes life run…(homeschooling, childrearing, living, breathing..you know EASY STUFF
)
pray pray pray pray……and i think Lee has to let go…and pray…and you know the rest…i don’t have to tell you..
(tired of me analyzing yet…sorry…..but in all this..i can relate to feeling so inadequate, so not worthy…so full of sin and mistakes..that you tell yourself why bother…cripes…i tried, i failed..oh well…it’s easier than ripping that band aid off….the one where we really show our wounds…Lee is in a very important cross roads…and the thing is a wrong path..might be easier, and he will regret it later..but might be too late at that point….)
i know you are beat…and hearing hang in there..is so ….tiresome…..but we hold you all in prayer (all 3 of you…)and i’ll add the minister too…
again if i overstepped or offended..please forgive me…it was all meant as support and love..
Celina–you must be a psychologist! You have figured out pretty much exactly what he’s doing. He IS at an important crossroads and I’m praying that he doesn’t take the “easy” way because if he does it’s going to cost him more than he can imagine.
Thank you for praying for us.
March 2nd, 2009 at 6:35 am
Lizzie,
I have sensed a renewed peace in you the last 3 weeks or so. I guess I DID sort of assume that things were going well.
Thanks for reminding me that things can be going badly, and we can still have great peace!!!
Alesha
You are right that we can have peace and even joy and happiness even when trials are raging. That is the wonderful blessing of serving our Savior.
March 2nd, 2009 at 6:57 am
Awww, praying hard for your guys!!
You must live in a really “Catholic” area! I remember when we lived in Ohio, the factories always gave everyone Good Friday off work. Here on the west coast, I don’t think Good Friday is much of a holiday…
Yes we do live in a very Catholic area.
Thank you for praying.
March 2nd, 2009 at 7:38 am
I do think it is good that you share the difficulties as you’re able — I’ve read those same kinds of books where the writer seems to have it all together and seems to be saying, “If you’ll just do this, you’re life will be as blissful as mine.” That’s so totally unrealistic and discouraging.
Yes, my own blog has both convicted and encouraged me before, too.
I’ll be praying for you all, Lizzie.
Thank you!
March 2nd, 2009 at 8:55 am
Praying for you all Lizzie. You should know that your honest sharing is so encouraging to many who read- thank you for facing the difficulty of writing these things down.
‘God is our refuge and our strength
Our ever present aid
And therefore though the earth remove
We will not be afraid.
Though hills amidst the seas be cast
Though foaming waters roar
And though the mighty billows shake the mountains on the shore’
Thank you for sharing the verses. I needed to hear them.
March 2nd, 2009 at 10:10 am
Lizzie,
I can totally relate to how you feel and what you are saying. I wish we could brew a pot of tea and have some chocolate cake and talk and pray and I could give you a big hug!
You said your greatest desire is for your marriage to be saved and your husband to come home and be a man of God. The Scripture came to my mind “Delight yourself in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart” I pray that comforts you today and you are always, always on my heart and in my prayers
Maybe someday we can:)! Thank you for your prayers and encouragement.
March 2nd, 2009 at 10:25 am
Praying for your wisdom, Lee’s repentance and restoration and peace through it all!
I appreciate your prayers!
March 2nd, 2009 at 10:37 am
Thank you for being so open and honest with us. I can’t imagine how hard that must be at times. I admire you so much for being true to your covenant and for your devotion to James.
Thank you:)
March 2nd, 2009 at 10:37 am
as you well know . . . i understand.
i’m here for you … anytime.
Thank you!
March 2nd, 2009 at 1:12 pm
I am praying! I wonder if he isn’t letting the jail time influence him to think he is not worthy of a good marriage, a good job etc. That he was “meant” to be a screw-up [although we know that is not at all God's plan!!] It’s very understandable. I think it’s important to remember that YOU did not make the choice that put him back there–he did and right now it truly stinks to be him! He had tried so hard and made such big changes. Maybe he subconsciously decided he didn’t deserve the changes for the better. He was used to the old reality and ran back to it. That’s also totally understandable if maddening! It also, right now, stinks to be you! You had great expectations of a healthy marriage for you and Lee and a loving Dad at home for James. You wrote so lovingly of being able to care for Lee and spend time with him again. The let-down is so huge I don’t know how you can process any of it. I am so proud of you for putting one foot in front of the other and continuing with “normalcy” for James. That’s really tough to do. As a single Mom, I “get it”–how hard it is to walk thru each day.
I know my son goes thru type of self-loathing all the time. I call it “shooting himself in the foot.” He is poised for success and then retreats into the “bad” that he trusts. It’s so hard to stay in prayer, stay in God’s word and stay positive in these times. I know when this cycle hits my family I sleep thru Church, I find excuses for avoiding Christian friends. Then one day it occurs to me that there is ONE who doesn’t criticize, doesn’t judge, just accepts the burdens we need carried. Finally I grasp God’s hand again and go on. I’m praying you’ll soon reach for God’s hand again….it’s not Lee’s hand like you want, but it’s there for you. HE is there for you.
I am praying….
I don’t know how much of this is what you’re sharing. It definitely can be.
Thank you for praying and for understanding!
March 2nd, 2009 at 2:30 pm
Hi, Lizzie,
I am just shocked that she has held him for this long, for something that sounds like a minor infraction. It is infuriating to me, a bystander, so I can only imagine how frustrated you and he both have felt.
I will continue to pray for you all. I am specifically praying that he will be released soon! Blessings,
Katherine
Thank you for praying!
March 2nd, 2009 at 3:22 pm
My heart continues to ache for you. I am old enough to be your mom and do pray for all of you. We know the he at least has the “head” knowledge…..now if he will just allow it to be applied to his heart. Jer.29-11-13 are the verses I cling to in my own struggles….Christ lived and died for us all…God Bless you and your family, Pam
South Bend
Thank you, Pam.
March 2nd, 2009 at 3:40 pm
Lizzie, please read Ephesians 6:10-18. I am thinking that verse 13 (“having done all, to stand”) especially speaks to where you and Lee are right now.
I remember a time when I was experiencing affliction, and I called my dear Pastor’s wife. I was sharing with her that I couldn’t understand why God had not given me relief yet, and she calmly and simply advised me to wait on the Lord. I decided to look up verses that talk about waiting on the Lord, and copied many of them down. You wouldn’t believe how much this helped me! Perhaps it will help both you and Lee to do this.
I do have hope that Lee will be revived. He is probably feeling much like Elijah was feeling in I Kings chapter 19. I pray that God will strengthen Lee, as he did Elijah.
Thank you! I will read those verses.
March 2nd, 2009 at 5:19 pm
Hi Lizzie,
I don’t really have any other verses or words of wisdom to offer, beyond what’s already been said….wow, a Catholic prison – that’s messed up! I hope you’re allowed to bring him food? I wish you guys lived closer so that when this is all over we could have you over for a proper cook-out.
I’m also praying for you guys. I can’t imagine how hard it is, day to day. ((hugs))
No, I can’t take him food! If I’m ever able to I’ll take you up on the BBQ;)! Thanks for praying for us.
March 2nd, 2009 at 7:50 pm
oh Mrs. Lizzie! I am praying for you and Mr. Lee!
HUGS!
Amanda
Thank you. I appreciate that very much.
March 2nd, 2009 at 7:59 pm
Praying… for real.
Thank you!
March 2nd, 2009 at 10:02 pm
I don’t know how much wisdom I have for you, but I do have an abundance of prayers to send your way.
My mother has sung a song that helps buoy me up when I feel like I’m on the verge of sinking. “His Eye is On the Sparrow” He knows you and knows the desires of your heart. He has descended below all to comprehend and heal all. Keep leaning on Him, keep holding on to your faith, and keep pouring out your soul when you need to.
Acknowledge the fleas, my friend, and then be thankful for them. We don’t always know why or how long we must endure, but we know He has not forsaken and will not forsake us.
Deut. 31
6 Be strong and of a good courage, fear not, nor be afraid of them: for the Lord thy God, he it is that doth go with thee; he will not fail thee, nor forsake thee.
Thank you! I appreciate your encouragement. Thanking God for the fleas–I didn’t remember that one this time:)!
March 2nd, 2009 at 10:52 pm
I’ve wondered over the last while if you were in a bigger (different) struggle. I kinda thought your blog was more ‘fluff’ than it used to be. Thank you for sharing openly. It somehow helps to pray more specifically. God will meet you. My husband has been struggling with spiritual attacks over the past year and I know how hard he has to pray to just get over the attacks (they are so real). I pray too and we now have others praying for us as well and it helps so much. I can only imagine what the enemy is telling Lee. We will keep him in prayer for a sound mind and a steadfast heart. Only the Lord sustains us. None of us are worthy. It’s all His grace.
Get sleep and we’ll pray.
Thank you for praying for us. I appreciate it very much.
I’m sorry that some things appeared fluff to you. My life really isn’t ALL about this trial–there’s definitely fluff and if I only post the heavy stuff I think I’d depress myself.
I do pray about what I should or shouldn’t post.
March 3rd, 2009 at 9:26 am
Continuing to pray! Stay in God’s Word for your help, encouragement, strength, hope, wisdom, and peace.(and the many other things that it can give us!) I’m preaching to myself here, too! Why is that always the first thing to go when we are discouraged?
Also, keep listening to good Christian music.
Many have left the old hymns behind, but I find them very uplifting with their focus on God and His attributes.
March 3rd, 2009 at 11:56 am
Fluff is fun. All work and no fluff makes for dullness
!!!!!!!!
March 3rd, 2009 at 5:16 pm
Lizzie,
I’ve followed your blog for more than a year, and I have always been blessed by your vulnerability. My life also was turned upside down by the sin of my husband. God desires to do a healing work in both of you and in your marriage. But as a wife, I know that we can only take responsibility for one half of that equation: ourselves. No matter what choices your husband makes, even if your marriage disentegrates, God will still love you and you will still have a testimony of His work in your life. I continue to pray that God will have freedom to work His best in both your lives!
March 4th, 2009 at 9:59 am
Lizzie … I read your post the day you posted and have been thinking, pondering, praying for you all since then. Just wanted you to know you are in my heart.
Please tell Lee that he is *not* alone. In homes across the country, he is being lifted up in prayer as a person of great value to God. Heaven is watching and breathing prayer on Lee’s behalf. Jesus himself faced the temptation to turn away at a critical time and when he was weak (Luke 4). I humbly suggest a plea such as, “Jesus, you have been here! You know! Please come down and be with me in this. Please intercede for me. Give me grace to get through this and make the right choice.”
Hugs and love.
Thank you, I will send this to him.