Odd Times

by adustyframe ~ March 26th, 2009

Most of the time, I’m truly doing just fine.

I carry on and go through the days keeping busy, having fun, and enjoying my son.
But at odd times things hit me and twist my heart. It’s never the same thing twice. It’s never expected. It’s never anything overly huge.

It surprises me sometimes, but at the same time I think it’s good. I wouldn’t be human if I didn’t feel the loss or acknowledge the “stinkyness” of all this.

One day it was this. I’ve framed it and put it on the fridge. When I walked past it the other day, my heart squeezed and I felt like I couldn’t breath. It lasted only a moment, but it reminded me of what I’m missing.

The other night, I went to bed and lay in the darkness. “God,” I whispered, “I miss my  husband.”  That’s why I used to stay up way too late. Going to bed alone with a big empty half of a bed reminds me what I hate about this.

Some days, it’s viewing a wedding photo. Sometimes it’s hearing James howl with laughter and wishing Lee could be a part of his life.

Today it was James’ friend. He spent the afternoon with us. While we were eating, he said, “Hey James, do you ever wish your Dad was home so you could have fun with him?” James face fell and my heart squeezed. I told his friend that sometimes talking about it makes James sad. Then I reminded James that it’s ok for his friend to ask him a question because he cares about him.

We wouldn’t be human if this didn’t hurt. I think these little heart squeezes show us how very much we love our Daddy and husband. It means we have special memories and a hole in our family. It means we love him and can’t wait til he can come home.

Psalm 27:14

Wait on the Lord: be of good courage, and he shall strengthen thine heart: wait, I say on the Lord.


9 Thoughts Shared to Odd Times

  1. Pam

    Oh My…..Bless his heart….I’m sure that the Lord will use all of this heartache to mold James into a wonderful Christ centered guy…..but for right now….it makes me sad for him.

  2. Amy Ellen

    Hi. I have recently started following your blog. I appreciate the way you share your experience with a sincere godliness.

    Do you have a link to your background information? I would like to read “your story” yet the archives are very extensive! Thank you for any links to previous posts that would enlighten me 🙂

    Amy Ellen

  3. Ame

    i know … i know

  4. ashley @ twentysixcats

    Poor James. 🙁 Do his friends know where Lee is? I bet it’s always a challenge as to who to tell, who not to tell…

  5. Lady Why

    Bless your heart! I’m praying for you all today!

    Thank you.

  6. Tara

    Praise God for your parenting wisdom in that situation – you handled it so well. Hugs for you, too.

  7. TransitionGirl

    I’m glad that you have the Lord to lean on, it’s hard enough with Him. Without Him…

  8. Jacque

    Amen Lizzie. Sometimes we truly have to miss someone or something to appreciate their being gone.
    While the LORD could completely fill the hole and gaps for you, he allows you to feel it and to have moments like these to draw the two of you together and closer to Lee, even when he is not there.
    May the Father bless and keep you both as you walk this path.
    Love and (((HUGS)))

  9. Chel

    I think lots of things, difficult situations, are like that… we carry on with this armor protecting us, but there are odd things that jump at us and slip through that armor. And suddenly, we’re emotional and in the midst of what lies under the armor.

    Hang in there.

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