Church
by adustyframe ~ October 5th, 2009Here’s how the Norris family does church. We have approval from Lee’s parole officer. She knows exactly what we do so no worries!
Lee goes to Sunday School.
James and I arrive quite late and I take him straight to his classroom to wait for the children and the teacher.
When they arrive, I go sit with Lee for the adult Bible study.
Then Lee leaves before the children are dismissed from Sunday School. This stinks to put it plainly. I can’t wait to sit together as a family in church.
This week, Lee talked with me for a minute before he left. He told me about a dream he dreamt repeatedly while we were gone. He tried to drive home and everywhere he went the road was blocked.
He’d turn around and try a different road only to find that road blocked too.
I said to him, “You’re probably thinking about not being able to come home.” His eyes filled with tears and then so did mine.
All the hurt we all carry lays directly beneath the surface. It takes very little for it to bubble over.
Yes, we can all argue that it’s Lee’s fault that we’re dealing with this, but that doesn’t lessen the pain any.
The only thing I could do was hold his hand and say, “Aww honey, I’m sorry.”
There’s nothing else to say really.
A few weeks ago when I went with Lee to a meeting with his parole officer, I said to her, “You know I’m probably being cynical, but I feel like this (not letting Lee come home) is the only rule you can give him that really hurts.”
She sat back in her chair and grinned at me, “Well, I guess you figured that one out.”
Wow! How would I respond to that? I’ve felt for a long while that this rule is simply to hurt, but to have her admit it left me speechless.
Many days, I pray as I fall asleep. So many times, I just don’t know what to pray and so I pray, “Lord please do something about this. Please help us see an end to this. Please let me have my family back.”
I wrestled with the Lord quite a bit one night and I considered things we can “do” to change this situation. Do you know what I realized?
There is nothing we can “do”. Nothing! We have to let go of it and allow God to do whatever it is he wants to do.
Lee came to that realization recently too. He realized that he can fight against it and be miserable and depressed or he can make the best of what he has.
Both of us have been more peaceful since then.
It still stinks. It still hurts. It still leaves us scratching our heads wondering why.
But we just have to let go. God is big enough to carry all our questions and hurts and I can hope that someday God will allow this to change.
In the meanwhile I hope on God and wait for him to move.
October 6th, 2009 at 12:49 am
hm… is it just me or is the parole officer a tad mean to enjoy other people’s pain.
but i’m glad both of you are trusting the Lord with this. will keep praying that you’ll be reunited as a family together soon.
I don’t know that she’s mean. I can’t really say that. It feels that way.
October 6th, 2009 at 5:33 am
Hi Lizzie,
It must be very difficult for Lee to be in the same building with James and not see him. I pray for the day you can all be reunited.
I have a family member who is going through a similar situation. She is not allowed to see one of her children right now and she is hurting terribly. (Very long, sad story) The thing is, the child is the one who is going to be hurt the most when she is reunited with this person and won’t even know who she is. It hurts me also, because I had a special relationship with this child and because of the situation, I can not see her either.
My heart aches for all parents(grandparents/brothers/sisters) who are separated from their children.
October 6th, 2009 at 5:43 am
I am so sorry that you are going through this.
I will pray for the parole officer. I will pray that her heart will turn. I don’t know all the details of why she is doing what she is doing, but I will pray that she will think things through clearly.
October 6th, 2009 at 6:20 am
My situation is somewhat different. We are waiting on our visas to Australia. We’re at 100% support and just waiting on Australia. There is absolutley nothing we can do. It is ultimately in God’s hands. Isaiah 55:8-9 have been verses I use. I’m currently doing a word study on peace and patience. It’s strange, but I have peace about our visas, I just don’t have visas. I’ll be praying for the Lord’s will for your life.
October 6th, 2009 at 7:25 am
What a bizarre women the parole officer is! But after reading about the prison’s “Pagan” Chaplin, I guess I’ll believe anything. I really feel for you.
October 6th, 2009 at 9:11 am
Dearest Lizzie…..everyday….and I mean EVERYDAY I read your blog hoping to read that
“the three of you went hand in hand to church, had lunch together….sat and watched a movie”…. I know that day will come!!!
I do have a question….is there an end to his parole….I’m not asking you to tell me when that is, but is it open ended or for a specific time like a year? I know how badly I want this for all of you and I KNOW that you want it a zillion times more….God Bless
Pam, South Bend
Thank you, Pam:). Spring of 2011 should be the end of this:)
October 6th, 2009 at 10:53 am
That is awful. To do such a thing just to hurt seems to be going beyond what she is called to do. But, as you said, there’s not much that can be done about it besides wait on the Lord. If the king’s heart is in His hand and He can turn it as He desires, how much more a parole officer’s.
October 6th, 2009 at 1:33 pm
Oh Lizzie. I am speechless. God bless you beyond your comprehension. My heart is flooded with the prayer I sent you before ….
October 6th, 2009 at 7:22 pm
Praying for you, Mrs. Lizzie!
I know this is really hard for y’all and I hope that soon you will be free from this parole officer!
{HUGS}
October 6th, 2009 at 7:32 pm
May you walk in his plans, even if they include this disagreeable and spiteful person. May her heart be softened as you all walk in his will.
blessings~
October 6th, 2009 at 9:18 pm
I don’t know…I don’t fully appreciate (not in a mad way, but in an intellectual way) the entries where you write somewhat negatively about the parole officer.
Most of us (readers) do not know the entire situation here, so to assume the reasoning of the parole officer is unrealistic.
I mean, who decided that Lee had to go into a halfway house before going home? I don’t know if parole officers make that decision. Is there a criteria for the amount of time he has to spend in the halfway house? If so, who decides that? Are there criteria he has to meet before leaving the halfway house to return home? If so, what are they?
Without this and other knowledge, it is hard to understand what the parole officer’s “motives”, beyond doing her job, are.
I don’t believe I’m ascribing motives to the parole officer. I quoted what she said. I also don’t think that I’m assuming her reasoning.
I’m completely confident that she’s “just doing her job” but that doesn’t mean that I won’t feel frustrated or annoyed with decisions. Often the decisions one day are completely different than they were a week before.
On this blog, when I’ve written about the parole officer it’s been 6 different officers, not just one person. Not everything I’ve written has been negative. I’ve not shared so many things.
The questions you ask are questions I’d like answers to as well.
October 7th, 2009 at 7:28 am
I’m so sorry to hear this new development! I don’t understand how a system that is supposed to ‘rehabilitate’ can do so much to tear down families. I would really like to know the reasoning behind all of this. I’m sure your desire to know is 1,000 times greater than mine!!! You are always in my prayers.
October 7th, 2009 at 2:03 pm
I’m so sorry you’re still going through this! Nope, you’re not cynical. I’ve got the market cornered on that one (although I endure far less crap than you do, I find my threshold for it is lower and lower every year).
What the parole officer said, complete with grin, was hateful – plain and simple. In essence, she admitted that that “rule” was purely punitive; not rehabilitative. She admitted the whole point was just to hurt him. Whatever other extenuating circumstances there may be, that was a low blow.
I’ve seen similar behavior from police officers towards defendants in holding cells, but coming from a woman, to another woman – the spouse of the one incarcerated – just makes it that much uglier.
Lord help me; it’s stuff like that that just embitters my spirit.
I hope God intervenes and Lee can come home sooner rather than later.
October 7th, 2009 at 4:46 pm
I”m sorry, Lizzie, but I think you give her too much credit. What she is doing is, I”m sorry, cruel. I would have wanted to slap her face.
You’ve mentioned before how there is no real reason why Lee cannot see James, and even how your pastor has even questioned it. From where I sit, this is a deliberate misuse of her power. For whatever reason, she’s got it in for Lee, and she’s just grinding salt into the wound.
I wish there was a way for you to complain without it impacting Lee badly. She shouldn’t be allowed to do that. It’s not just hurting Lee and yourself, it’s hurting James, and that is beyond reprehensible when it’s not necessary, and just making her feel selfrighteous and pleased with herself.
October 7th, 2009 at 4:48 pm
Also, does James know his father is there? How awful for him
It makes me want to cry.
If he doesn’t, how much more upset will he be?! This woman is CRUEL. End of story.
October 10th, 2009 at 12:48 pm
I’m sorry–I sometimes don’t word things clearly enough in my comments, and then they sound ambiguous! I did not mean that you were ascribing motives to the parole officer, I meant that the readers, who do not know the whole story, take one kernel of knowledge and blow it out of proportion.
An example is the second to last comment here–”Jen” is incited into wanting to do violence to the parole officer.
IMO, it doesn’t matter which of the parole officers is being referred to–the situation is not clear enough to the reader, for the reader to make an informed or relevant comment on that issue.
I am shocked that you do not know the answers to the questions I asked (to clarify, I was not asking for answers, they were rhetorical to support my point). Can I ask, if you do not know the answers because you haven’t asked, or do you not know because you are not allowed to know?
I am just trying to understand…
Thanks,
Kat
No worries;)! I don’t always convey what I mean to either.
I have asked and usually am ignored or we’re told “That’s the way it will stay right now.”
I “think” Jen lives in Austrailia so the PO is safe;).
October 12th, 2009 at 8:22 pm
Haha! Yes I do
What “incited me to violence” was the grin. I could imagine how much that one thing would have cut so deeply, that it seemed that she was enjoying what she was inflicting. That one kernel, I think, would make a lot of people angry. Nothing blown out of proportion there. At least, I don’t think so. I never said I WOULD… I said I would have WANTED to.