An Update

by adustyframe ~ September 23rd, 2010

So many times this spring and summer people have asked me if I’m getting excited that it’s just another year. I can’t get excited. So many things can change at a moment’s notice.

Lee said that the prison rule is you don’t count the days. As soon as you count the days something gets messed up. So I’ve been holding my breath.

We’ve prayed and prayed. We’ve fought against the system in the only way we can–filing appeals & submitting requests. At the time it seemed like it was all for nothing.

When I say things can change at a moment’s notice that’s really what I mean. I don’t think I shared here that in April when Lee still had the woman parole officer, she put him in jail.

Lee went to his appointment and I got a phone call from the probation officer to come get his car. She told me she didn’t think he was doing everything he should be doing and that she was mad at him for being unemployed.

She asked if I was mad he was unemployed. I told her that of course I wanted him to find a job but he was looking an applying like crazy. He lost his job in February because they didn’t have work. He wasn’t fired for poor behavior.

I called an attorney to ask what our options were. He said that the parole officer can hold a probationer at any time without reason for up to 3 weeks. He said we had to just wait and see. The parole officer released Lee after 3 days and shortly after Lee got a new parole officer.

The attorney said that a 3 day hold was a huge sign that she didn’t have any reason to hold him. The only good we saw in it was that Lee was unemployed at the time and didn’t lose his job for a 3 day absence.

Things seem to be better with the new parole officer. He told Lee last week that Lee’s former parole officer is so proud of Lee for doing so well now. But we’re scratching our heads because he’s not doing anything differently than he was with her.

So the new parole officer said that this moving forward with Lee and James seeing each other “should be happening”.

Yea, that’s what I’ve been saying for 4 years.

Lee and I will go to the appointment next Tuesday. I will be filled in on the expectations and just like that it will be ok for Lee and James to see each other.

At least that’s what we’re being told right now. I still have a place inside that doesn’t believe it’s even happening or that it will be that easy.

I have a list of questions to ask and I’m going to be blunt about my worry. I’m worried they will allow this to start and then change their mind. I don’t want to do that to James. It would be far worse to start visits and have them taken away than it would be to wait a little longer to see his Daddy.

So it’s all very exciting and yet it seems surreal.

I can’t think how much everything is going to change.

Some prayer requests are:

1. That things truly will work out the way we’re being told they will.

2. That Lee won’t try to make everything up to James by being a permissive parent. That’s a big concern in my heart if I’m honest with you. Some of course will be natural but I’m also concerned that Lee will feel guilty and try to make James happy by always saying yes.

3. That our adjustment time will be as smooth as possible. That I will not get frustrated by all the things we’re going to have to deal with. Things that I probably don’t even know about yet!

Next week after the appointment, Lee has to go straight to work. I said that  stinks! He said he’s waited 4 years he guesses he can wait a few more hours.

I’m going to call and see if the appointment can be changed to earlier in the day. If not, Lee is coming over at 5 a.m. to take us fishing. (5 a.m.!)

So that’s the update. I am very excited. I’m just praying that things will go smoothly and that just maybe our disappointments and hard times are starting to fade into the past.


14 Thoughts Shared to An Update

  1. Char

    Wow! Wow! Wow! I’m praying, too!

  2. Pam

    Oh Lizzie…….how exciting….it will be a big adjustment for all of you…I will pray that you will all be open to these big changes….and that you will each be able to adjust to your “new” roles in your intact family. It is a blessing that you all lo e the Lord……He will be the head of your house……
    Pam, South Bend

  3. Sally

    Exciting news!! We are very happy this is happening and yes we will continue to pray for you all.

  4. Barbara H.

    I can understand not letting yourself rely too heavily on the parole officer’s word yet. They really shouldn’t be allowed to jerk them around so much or put them in jail on a whim. They want them to get their lives back together but then make it hard for them to do so. If I am aggravated, I can only imagine how you must feel! Yet the Lord is allowing it and will give grace moment by moment. I know there will be adjustments to being all back together again. I am praying for you all.

  5. Lisa

    I know you are telling “us” your worries–are you talking frankly to Lee about your worries. You’ve been the parent keeping this kid on a good forward moving track to maturity. He needs a FATHER not a buddy. I think I would really talk 🙂 Yes, he’s the head of family, but he’s kind of in a situation where he has to earn that back with the two of you [I don’t say this to be rude or mean]. Lee needs to be prepared to back you up and keep James on the path to make better choices than Dad has. This said, I am trying not to jump for joy that they may get to see each other. I cannot imagine what Lee could have done [aside from the obvious things you’ve said he didn’t do] that would have caused this. I am certainly praying and praying!!
    FYI–pray October 10 when I meet with the prison teachers that they see that my son can do way more than he lets on! It’ll be only my second time at that facility, too. The first is Oct 6 for parent orientation.

    Yes, I definitely have talked with him and I know there will be more talking! I envision trips to Pastor’s office to counsel as we’ve done in the past. ;). Probably multiple trips.

    Praying for you too.

  6. Barbara H.

    P.S. — I just tagged you for a meme, if you’d like to play. 🙂

  7. Ame

    yes, Lord, may it be so.

    walking in a parallel world similar to yours … understanding … hoping and hoping hope doesn’t disappoint … knowing God is in control … trusting Him even when i don’t feel like hoping.

    Thank you!

  8. TransitionGirl

    Such a stressful time for ya, not that it wasn’t stressful before. Will pray that the parole officer will keep his word. Praying for all of you.

    Thank you!

  9. Jenn

    I know I’ve been away for a while, but you’ve been on my mind. What a delightful surprise to come back to read! It brings tears to my eyes. Praying for you all! Lord, let it be so. This family has been patient and trusting you to show them the way to a joyous reunion!

    Thank you, Jenn! I missed you. I looked at your blog a couple times but it didn’t seem you’ve been updating. ((hugs))

  10. Robin in New Jersey

    Oh Lizzie, I so hope and pray that this time is the real thing. All the commentors have great advice. I am going through something like this with a family member and even though they are doing everything they are supposed to, I fear them getting thrown in jail because the PO is having a bad day or something! Much love…can’t wait to hear what happens on Tuesday!

    Thank you, Robin. Ah… you understand my fears. They’re real unfortunately.

  11. Carrie

    Prayed for you just now, and trusting the Lord will give grace for whatever He has in store. :o)

  12. EEEEMommy

    Very exciting, but I can understand your hesitation to BE excited! I will certainly be praying for all the things you mentioned!! I do so hope that everything works out and that your boys won’t have to be separated any more! Does this also mean that Lee will be able to move back home with you both? I do pray that your family will be reunited soon!

    Grace and Peace,

  13. Janet

    Praying for you, Lizzie. I admire how open and honest you are here on your blog.

  14. theprincessofquitealot

    Praying it can happen soon!!!

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