by adustyframe ~ October 27th, 2010

Over the last weeks and months, I feel that I’ve been grappling with God about what am I supposed to be doing?

I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that for right now, I need to be here. In my home ministering to the family God has so graciously begun to restore to me.

I feel that God is preparing me for something else at some point. I don’t exactly know what or when, but so many ideas come to my mind.

I read a statement in a magazine that said, “Saying you can’t do something right now doesn’t mean you won’t ever do it.”

That’s how I feel. I have lots of ideas and all of them are in the “not right now” category.

I wonder and pray about lots of things.

Should I write homeschool resources?

Should I pursue my masters degree?

Should I write a book? I’ve always felt there was book inside me but thinking about writing a book makes me want to take a nap.

Should I pursue photography as a real keep me busy all the time business?

Should I prepare to speak to women’s groups?

The last idea terrifies me and much to my chagrin makes me believe that is probably what God is preparing me for. It comes to my mind often and I simply tell the Lord that I don’t know how to do that and no one is asking anyway.

Lee told me years ago that I should but I resisted very firmly. Only when I watched this did I open my heart to the possibility that God may ask this of me someday.

I watched her share the work of God in their lives even though she was so ill and had to sleep all day in order to have enough energy to be there. I said, “Ok God. I need to say yes.”

Since then I’ve thought about speaking many times. I just don’t know what it is that God wants or when he wants it.

You can pray for me and for us. It’s an odd place I’m in right now. I need to fully be here in my home and I know that God knows that. God knows that we have healing to do and that we are tired.

I also know that God desires to use our trials to teach and encourage others and this trial has been a whopper! I’m sure God has plans for me–even if his list doesn’t include one thing on this one of mine.


5 Thoughts Shared to Direction

  1. carol

    Lizzie, what God wants is a willing heart. Come before Him and yield yourself to being willing to do whatever He wants. He will provide the opportunities that He desires. Really, you already have a “book” written right here on this blog. About four years back, a local H.S. senior girl died after a six-month battle with cancer. Her aunt kept a blog page updated for family and friends along the journey. The family’s testimony of a faithful God and a life of prayer and hope in Him captivated the local community. That blog ended up being published, and a whole ministry to hurting people was begun. (Here is the The Lord could do something like that with you and your journey. As far as speaking, you have a story that women today need to hear. Many women give up on their marriages for far less than you have had to deal with, but with the Lord’s help, you didn’t! You could be a tremendous help and encouragement, if the Lord should lead that way. Sorry to be so long, but your testimony has been such a blessing to me and the other ladies that follow your blog, and I want to encourage you to be willing to trust Him wherever He may direct now. Be patient – He will make things clear in His time.

  2. Barbara H.

    Though under different circumstances, I am having some of the same feelings since we moved and all my regular avenues of ministry were left behind. I know it takes time to find one’s niche in a new place, and the Lord will show me what He wants me to do in time, but meanwhile I’ve had some of the same thoughts about some of those other possibilities.

    Speaking is also about the last thing I want to do! What few times I have done it, I know it is usually fine once I get started — it’s just thinking about it beforehand that is so stressful!

    I know I have learned many things from your blog, Lizzie — about single parenting, about prison, about trusting God in every need, and so much more. I think God might have some way in mind for you to share some of what He has shown you over the years — it will be exciting to see how He leads. If you lived close enough and I still coordinated our ladies’ ministry, I’d love to have you share a testimony. I never thought until just now of the possibility of taping it — that would have been neat, but I am not at that ladies’ group any more. But I love to hear testimonies of those who have “been there,” those who have been in the trenches and seen God at work.

    Maybe writing an article or two would be a good start, and perhaps preparation for a book. I think the blog post about honoring your covenant would make a great article. Unfortunately I don’t know of any conservative women’s magazines — Frontline is the only fundamental magazine I know of and it has one small section for women. I have hoped someone would start one up some day.

  3. Lisa

    Interesting that you are thinking like that because, as I recommended you blog to a wife at Church in similar circumstances, I thought “Lizzie should write an article for Christian Women magazines about her situation with Lee. Or write a devotional for wives of prisoners.” hmmmmmmm….God is up to something!

  4. carol

    Hey Lizzie,
    I head up that ladies’ ministry that Barbara H. used to lead, and if you are ever in SC, PLEASE let me know. I will snatch you up for a ladies’ meeting in a heartbeat! 🙂

  5. Robin in New Jersey

    I would love to have you come here to NJ for our annual Women’s Conference. You would be a great speaker! You have alot to share.

    😉 When is it? (You know I wasn’t really ASKING for invites don’t you!?) 😉

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