It’s Just Part Of Our Life

by adustyframe ~ February 14th, 2011

Prison/jail is part of our life. I’d like to neatly pack up that part of our story and ship it off to Goodwill or some other place and forget it existed.

I can’t do that though and often things happen to bring it in front of my eyes again.

Last week, we sat down to watch Jeopardy together. We do that most evenings. Lee told us that when he was in prison, Jeopardy was on twice a day. He’d watch it the first time and then the second time he would holler out as many answers as he could remember.

The guys all thought he was a genius and he enjoyed fooling them.

That’s a funny story, but just the telling of it opens that box I want to seal up and throw away. I know that I can’t do that. It simply is and I can’t deny that we lived through it.

Last week, James and I went with other homeschoolers from church to the nursing home to share Valentine cards. We passed them out on the first floor, then the aid asked us to go upstairs to the second floor to finish our task.

She opened the door and I felt a moment of sheer panic. The hall behind us was “homey” and full of sunshine. The stairs in front of me brought back ugly memories.

They screamed “institution”. Metal steps covered with some sort of bumpy rubber coating. Cement walls–metal brackets–the entire stair well looked exactly like the steps I took every time I visited Lee in the county jail. Each time, I visited Lee, my stomach rumbled and my nerves were on edge.

As we climbed the stairs at the nursing home, I felt almost the same. The stairwell even smelled the same! I breathed a sigh of relief when we arrived at the second floor and tried to put out of my mind the fact that I’d have to march back into that stairwell on the way down.

I thought about this later. It’s amazing that a smell and sight can trigger such powerful feelings. It’s amazing that the feelings I felt during Lee’s incarceration can overwhelm me again so quickly.

I think it’s a reminder to me that God brought this trial to us for a reason and it’s not up to me to pack it away and put it behind us. He very well may have other plans for me and perhaps those plans include not letting me forget.

It’s just part of our life.


5 Thoughts Shared to It’s Just Part Of Our Life

  1. melissa

    This makes my heart beat fast just reading it. Take care, and hang on. I’m sure it’ll get better with time, but doesn’t it take forever?

  2. Ame

    i know. i understand. there are somethings we’d like to simply just not exist anymore.

  3. Janet

    Perhaps the Lord doesn’t want you to forget in order to keep you thankful and also to help keep your heart tender for others going through this. It hurts me to find a woman who used to be a single mother act as if she has no compassion for my situation (not you, Lizzie). But I understand the need/desire for them to forget…I’d like to forget.:)

  4. Mrs. D.

    If you don’t mind me asking, is your husband able to live at home with you now full time or just able to visit as he pleases but still has to live somewhere else?

    He’s still just visiting. He can visit all day though:)

  5. Eunice

    I think most of us have things in our past we wish was not there or we could wipe away !!! But I am reminded of the grace and mercy that God has poured out on me , and I keep going ! You have done an amazing job , I pray that God will wrap His arms around you tight in times like that !!

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