Adjusting

by adustyframe ~ February 18th, 2011

I haven’t posted on our adjustment process. I think that we needed to actually adjust before I could blog about it.

At first it was very surreal and exciting. We were so thankful and spent a LOT of time together. We canceled almost everything planned and just stayed home together.

Sometimes the realization that we were indeed all together in one place would hit me and I’d marvel. I still do and actually I smiled as I typed that last sentence.

Having Lee around was/is very time consuming. It’s good but we have to get used to considering Daddy in our decisions all the way down to meals.

In all honesty, we had made a life without him. We had to do that in order to survive, but adjusting to Daddy factoring into our lives took some time.

James had to be reminded many times that he’s the kid not an equal. He decided he was sitting in the front seat with Daddy. I said, “Um no. I’m the mom. Move it Mister.”

He had tried to test me–a LOT. I think it’s very normal considering his age and our circumstances. It’s exhausting though.

Lee has been very good backing me up and correcting James when needed. He’s getting better at that. It’s taken him time to learn how to be a dad again.

This doesn’t mean it’s all been smooth. It hasn’t.

There have been heated words and tears. I’ve cried to God telling Him what a failure I am. I’ve been selfish. We’ve all been in the wrong at different times.

But I think (hope) we are settling in and figuring this all out.

We still stay home a lot and I think that’s a good thing. I’ve noticed though that it’s much easier for James and I to carry on with our plans now. James isn’t glued to Dad anymore. I think that’s good. He’s learning that Dad is there and we’ve had lots of time to soak up Daddy’s presence so it’s ok to get back to our regular stuff.

School has been difficult too. Lee’s around most of the day unless he’s applying for jobs or going to interviews. He likes to interrupt and then James loses his focus and I get mad. (Sigh….) School is possibly the reason most of our harsh words have come into play.

Lee has to learn how to fit in too and we have to figure out how to let him move back in. He’s not been demanding or bossy. I think that he just expects to pick up and have everything the way it was 6 years ago. But it’s not the same.

James was 4 years old–basically a baby. Parenting a 10 year old is a lot different.

Lee has helped with school some days when I have a lot to do online–for Etsy or eBay. It’s working out but man did I have to learn how to give up control!

The other day, Lee said, “This is a gift from God.” I asked what he meant and he said being jobless. It IS wonderful to be together every day. We just wish there was a way to do it and still have money…..

So, basically that’s it.

Lee was able to spend the weekend with us last week. 3 days in a row! It almost felt like we were normal. He said he has permission to do that every other weekend for now.

One of the nights, he leaned his back against mine as he fell asleep. He put his leg over mine and our feet touched. I was so comfortable. I thought, “This feels like I’m really married.” We’ve been in such an odd place in our marriage all these years. Being married but living single isn’t any fun! Please pray for our marriage as we begin to be able to live normally. We have lots of adjusting and learning to do still!

Hopefully, we’re getting through the last weeks of this and surviving. I’m not counting the days because we still have the realization that anything can happen at anytime. So, we hold our breaths and obey the rules and thank God for the little bits of normalcy that we’re finally starting to experience.

Lizzie

8 Thoughts Shared to Adjusting

  1. TransitionGirl

    i’m glad the Lord has helped you with the transition. a drastic change. i pray for your family daily and will keep praying 🙂

  2. Esther Haggstrom

    We have been and will continue to pray for all of you. Hugs.

  3. carol

    Thanks for being so real, as always. Continuing to pray for all of you as you continue to make adjustments. As I read this today, I thought once again that surely this is going to be a book some day. Your open, honest, transparent sharing of your life could help many, I’m sure. Have a wonderful weekend!

  4. Barbara H.

    I knew there would be bumps in the road, but you’re all navigating them and adjusting and will continue to with the Lord’s help.

  5. Pam

    What progress since I started reading your blog a few years
    ago…..I am reminded of the 17 years I was a single mom
    I know it was different…. I got divorced when my daughter
    was 10….I learned to do everything myself. And I found
    with the help of the Lord we survived and thrived… My daughter
    is a loving Christian mom and special Ed teacher… Getting remarried
    17 years later was a huge adjustment…..it was everything
    I wanted but it was hard to share everything …. From
    time and space to decision making. Lizzie thanks for
    your honesty ….. You are not alone . God Bless, Pam,
    South Bend

  6. Susanna

    Thank you for sharing. It must be difficult- despite being joyful. I have never been apart from David for any long periods of time, but even so, because of his long shifts ‘I’ have my way of doing things/routines etc that I have made- and when he is at home more often that normal I still sometimes find it difficult. I can’t just do whatever I was going to do- I have to think about what he wants to do as well- and even after 11 years it can still be tricky.

    But so gald that you ahve post like this to write 🙂

  7. Ame

    have you looked into unschooling? this might be a good season to explore that with hubby at home. it would take a lot of stress away not having a schedule, and your son could learn many valuable life lessons from both of you.

  8. Lisa

    I hope he is acknowledging the burdens you have had to carry–that’s really important. I’m so happy though that you are getting closer and closer to real life again. That is so nice. Our “adjustment” begins in almost exactly 48 hours!

Thank You for Sharing Your Thoughts