Roses Revisited

by adustyframe ~ May 29th, 2012


I shared about our rose bushes awhile ago and used them as an illustration of our marriage.

Here’s the 1st post and a follow up.

My autumn damask roses are spreading nicely and starting to fill up the bed. For awhile, the bushes were on the middle and the left but the right side was bare. For some reason, the rose didnt’ send shoots in that direction.

This spring, I finally saw a tiny shoot on the far right and I was so excited! I was hoping that by the end of the summer the whole bed would be full of lovely old fashioned roses.We added mulch to the bed and I carefully spread it around the tiny shoot so I wouldn’t crush it.  Lee said the bed needed more mulch and he went out early one morning and added more to the flower bed for me. I was thankful for his help–until I pulled out of the driveway!

I said, “Hey, you covered up my rose shoot.” He said, “No I pulled it out. I thought it was a weed.”

GRRRR! I said, “The foliage looks exactly the same as the rest of the roses didn’t you see that?”

Well, he didn’t and I didn’t get angry–we didn’t fight, but I was sad! I nurtured those roses for 4 years before they finally sent a tiny shoot in the right direction and he pulled it because it didn’t look like what he thought it should look like.

Can you see where I’m going with this? Definitely still applies to marriage.

I often hear women say that their husband is trying to make them happy but, “It’s not enough” or “It’s not what I want him to do.”

When one hopes and prays for a better relationship, it’s easy to pull out the tender tiny shoots that don’t look like the progress you want.

Don’t pull out the tiny shoots. If your husband takes a step in the right direction, nurture the shoot. If you pull it out by the roots because it doesn’t look right to you, you’re going to have to start over. You’re also going to discourage him from trying again because he can’t do it “right”.

I’m not giving men a pass, but I hear these things from so many women so often.

One tip I always share is to find the book The 5 Love Languages. It really helped me to see Lee’s love language is service. He was putting that mulch on the flower bed for me because he shows love by doing things for me. It could have been super easy for me to get upset that he messed up my roses and I did express dismay, but I knew he was doing it because he loved me and it was just a mistake.

Sometimes ladies, we need to extend grace and understanding and learn to leave the tender shoots alone!

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2 Thoughts Shared to Roses Revisited

  1. Sharlene

    This is so very true. Thank you for sharing it. It is so easy to get frustrated about things that don’t match your picture of marriage instead of seeing the beauty that is really there.

  2. Ame

    great words of wisdom.

    my husband’s fav book 🙂

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