I was perusing my blog the other day. I shared it with some friends from church and then for some reason wanted to find a particular post.
I looked through my favorite posts (Have you read all of these by the way?) and then followed links at the end of posts.
As I read, I cried. I thought, “I’m so thankful I wrote this as it happened.” The emotion and my thoughts are so real. I could never replicate that now. I know that there are stories and bits that I haven’t shared and if I ever do, I know they won’t be the same as the things I wrote in “real time”. I’ve probably forgotten several of them by now.
A few posts I read and thought, “Oh that was good!” but some of them made me wonder why I shared what I shared or why I shared it the way I did. There was a couple that I thought that I would have NEVER used the same strong language or I wouldn’t have said things in such a pointed way.
That’s just a reminder to me that when people are in the midst of trials they don’t have time to sugar coat things or make sure that everyone is happy with everything they’re saying. It reminds me to extend grace when people are dealing with difficulties.
I read things that I had forgotten. I read things that made me say, “If I didn’t live through that I’m not sure I’d have believed it really happened.” I read things that made me so grateful to God and to those who helped carry us through this trial.
I still cry when I think of things especially how much of Jame’s life Lee missed. It’s almost too overwhelming for me to consider sometimes. Reading the other night, really was emotional for me.
Am I glad I started this blog and wrote so much of our story? Yes.
Was it easy or did I enjoy having this topic to blog about? No.
I often wonder how did we make it through that? I know it wasn’t me.
It was all God and it was all Grace.