I’ve been thinking of this post…..ugggh!
I lost a LOT of weight a few years ago. It was hard work and I was really motivated and happy.
I wasn’t at my goal and there was much flab on that body but I was happy that I finally made some progress.
Then, I got pregnant. That baby was the result of much prayer and a very long wait and I’m beyond thrilled that God gave him to us!
But the weight…..oh the weight! I didn’t eat to support the rapid weight gain and it was super discouraging. Toward the end of the pregnancy, I gave up! Since I was trying to eat right and gaining anyway (not a little weight by the way) I decided to give up and eat what I wanted to anyway.
I’m sure that didn’t help matters!
Then there was the severe complications after birth that knocked me flat for quite awhile.
I’m nursing (still….that’s another answer to prayer although the prayer is becoming more “Ok when will this guy be done, Lord?!”) and I’m not a lose-weight-while-you-nurse kind of girl.
I had some health set backs over the past year and am still having some. A lot of exercise is just impossible.
I had started Trim Healthy Mama but have quit for a LOT of reasons. (yes, I did it “right”…yes I know some moms lose great while nursing and on THM…yes I know……) If you want to know why I really moved on from it you can send me an email. If I recognize your name as a regular around here, then I’ll let you know my reasons. If I don’t recognize you, I probably won’t.
I’ve been doing some intermittent fasting which is at least getting the scale moving a little bit downwards. My clothes are fitting better and some got too big. I’ve not dropped a zillion sizes or anything and most of the time I look in the mirror and feel sick.
Whenever little guy is done nursing, I’m going to do some “real” dieting but for now, I’m just working on being healthy and mindful.
I hate this weight gain more than I did when I weighed more in the beginning of my journey. I think it’s because I know how great I felt and how confident I was at a much lower weight. That’s what keeps me from totally giving up and going hog wild!
I have kept some of the positive changes from my weight loss.
*I try to wear clothes that I feel pretty in even if I don’t look pretty in them (ha! I have photos to prove this…..)
*I get in the pool and wear my swimsuit in public (sometimes). When James was small, I NEVER (EVER EVER EVER!) wore my swim suit around other people.
*I realize that my emotions and feelings are fine to have and express even though I’m fat.
*I am honest with myself when I overeat or eat junk. I don’t make up stories in my head about it or pretend I didn’t eat it.
I saw this article online the other day and it struck a cord.
I have to admit something ugly here…in the past if someone lost a lot of weight and gained it back, I was a little happy about that. “See!!! they didn’t have it all figured out.”
Now, that I’m the one who lost a lot and gained a lot back, I’m wondering what kind of horrible person was I to even think something like that! I think a lot of the being bothered more by this weight gain now is that it’s embarrassing to have gained a lot back.
So, there you have an honest “where I’m at” post today.
Anyone else struggle with this?