Apologies

by adustyframe ~ July 17th, 2017

When Lee came home from being “away”, he moved right into being home and moving on.

He told me it was over and we made it so move on.

The only trouble was that I had a bucket load of hurt and the impact of his being “away” wasn’t just something I could “move on” from.

I mentioned once that I thought things would be more dreamy when he came home.

Have things been bad? no not at all. But sometimes things have been hard.

I’ve learned to give things to God and to ask Him to help me process and “move on”. I’ve prayed I wouldn’t hold things against him because that sin nature likes to rear it’s ugly head–a lot!

I haven’t been sitting around waiting for an apology. It’s hard for my husband to actually say the words….I know that about him.

He’s worked hard–VERY hard. He’s provided for us. He’s done things to show love to me.

I believe in honoring our covenant–I shared my thoughts on this before. I believe in marriage. I believe in it strongly. I believe in honoring God in our marriage. I think my life backs that belief up. It’s not empty words.

But there were places in my heart that hurt and that wanted him to understand and just say the words.

I’ve been praying again. Giving things to God again.

In the middle of the night Sunday night, the dog was running in circles begging me to let her out. I got up and in the process say my husband had sent me a text.

“I’m sorry. I know those years were miserable for you.”

Out of the blue……….by text yes but it’s the first time he “said” the words.

I turned the phone over and went back to bed but I felt a little uncoiling deep down in my soul. A loosening of the tightly wrapped pain deep down inside.

I felt like if I concentrated on this that I would sob uncontrollably for days….and we had church in the morning!

I still feel a little like that. I probably do need to sob for days at the joy that he “said it”. It’s not the words or that I was demanding an apology. It’s just  knowing that he acknowledged it and verbalized that he knows it hurt.

I’m sure anyone could read what I’m posting here  and pick it apart……point out where I’m wrong or what I should have done or tsk tsk tsk that this many years later, I still deal with pain between my husband and I but that’s ok. It’s not for anyone else to agree or like. This blog has always been my way to share honestly and I’m not going to change that.

‘I’m thankful that God has held us together all these years. Without him, without his strength, without his reminding me of his love and care…..we wouldn’t be here. This is not about us.

I’m thankful for 3 a.m. texts that remind me that my husband loves me and that he understands.

Lizzie

3 Thoughts Shared to Apologies

  1. Pam

    Your honesty is refreshing……thank you for being transparent.
    God Bless

  2. Susanna

    That was beautiful. You have been, and continue to be, a great example of honoring marriage and your husband xx If we are Honest, I am pretty sure we all have deep rooted things that we need to be bringing to God but we often don’t.

  3. Lisa Beth W.

    What a beautiful gift you were given! I’m so happy for you–thanks for sharing that with us. 🙂 I would totally have bawled, church or not church!

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