Tears & Trauma

by adustyframe ~ September 4th, 2017

Once in awhile, I think that we’re past “all this”. That we’ve moved on and we’re all good.
But now and then something happens to remind me that it’s still there. It still affects us. It still hurts.

The other day, I was telling a friend that our church is always looking for volunteers for women’s Bible study at our county jail.
When they announce the need for volunteers, I feel that I should look into it. I just keep putting it off.
I had never spoken out loud anything about this. I only thought about it.

When I was talking to her, I said, “I just don’t know if I can handle the smell and hearing those doors shut.” And then I choked up and got teary eyed. I hadn’t realized why I was putting it off until I said the words out loud.

She said, “That shows the trauma you’ve been through. You’re not ready and that’s ok.”

I am not sure I ever used the word “trauma” to describe what we’ve been through but …..yeah….it’s pretty accurate.
In some ways, I think it’s ridiculous that I’m “not ready”. But I’m just not. I am however praying that I won’t use it as an excuse and that if God truly wants me to minister in a prison or jail, He will make it very clear to me and that I will be willing.

The other day, Lee was watching a documentary about prison (he watches a lot of those shows……I’m not sure why!) The documentary showed a man released from prison after being held unjustly for 14 years. When the man walked out of prison, Lee looked at me with tears in his eyes.

I thought “yes trauma”.

It still affects us and will always be part of our story but God? Well, He is good.

Lizzie

3 Thoughts Shared to Tears & Trauma

  1. Ame

    love you.

    yes, trauma.

  2. Susanna

    Trauma- absolutely. Uncertainty, unfair handling, separation. Things affect us for longer than we imagine, and often more deeply than we imagine. God will enable you in HIs own time to follow his will for you xx

  3. Robin in New Jersey

    Thank you for continuing to share your story.

Thank You for Sharing Your Thoughts